By ANTHONY BOTTAN
Lorraine Donlon, a reading teacher at the Centre Avenue School, knew from personal experience how it is to be the other sibling, which is why she authored the workbook, "The Other Kid."
Donlon was the eldest sibling of four children, two of whom were autistic and mentally retarded. When she was younger, Donlon said, there were many times when she felt angry, frustrated, neglected and sometimes even guilty. "It's a survivor's guilt," she said. "It's hard to enjoy the party when you know everyone can't go."
Donlon's workbook is a "draw it out guidebook for kids dealing with a special needs sibling." The workbook gives children the chance to draw how they feel about being the other sibling, rather than trying to explain it in words.
For her, there was never an outlet for her to vent her emotions. As a young girl, Donlon grew up fast and had to take on more responsibility because her mother needed help raising her handicapped sisters.
"When I was young, they didn't have support groups," Donlon said. "They told me you should feel lucky you're normal."
That never offered any solace to Donlon, who constantly worried about the welfare of her sisters. "There is always this sense that you're not entitled to feel bad because you're normal. I want to let kids know it's acceptable," she said.
Donlon's workbook lets children who having siblings with a disability know it is OK to be afraid, or cry, or be angry. Donlon said that even though the children may be young, their responsibilities are magnified because the needs of their sibling are bigger. "It's like being a big brother on steroids," Donlon said. "But it is important that parents realize that the sibling without special needs is still a child."
She has been working with the agency, Adults and Children with Learning Disabilities, which is where she brought her sisters for help after their mother died. All proceeds from the sale of the workbook go to the ACLD, whom Donlon said have been helpful answering her questions on programs it runs for people with disabilities.
Donlon pitched her workbook to social workers, psychologists, The Ronald McDonald House and schools for children with disabilities. Her original intention for the workbook focused on the siblings of children with physical and mental disabilities. But after she mailed the workbook to friends, she received emails on how helpful her workbook was in other ways. Her friends told her the workbook helped children with siblings who have cancer, cystic fibrosis, and diabetes deal with their emotions.
"The feelings are the same," Donlon said. "It's the same dynamic. There is a serious impact on the family and they need an avenue to talk about it."
Donlon titled her workbook, "The Other Child" because it was how she felt when she was younger. She didn't want to title it "The Normal Kid" because she felt that would direct the focus on the child with the disability.
If you are interested in purchasing "The Other Kid" it is on sale at Amazon.com for $10.95
Questions or comments on this story? Email Mmalloy@liherald.com or call (516) 569-4000 ext. 246
