By: Linda Sepadin
Athletes often experience winning the silver medal as losing the gold. Almost made it... Almost reached the pinnacle... If not for the tiniest fraction of a point... If not for a judge's biased rating score... If only ...Therein lies the disappointment. In contrast, athletes often experience winning the bronze as distinguishing oneself from all those other contenders who will return home without a medal. Placing third means you stand on the podium with the winners. You gain far more prestige and recognition than the athlete who was just one fraction of a point behind you. It's not just in competitive games that our feelings are relative. They are relative in all aspects of life. Here are two examples: "It's amazing," says Jean, "two weeks ago when I learned I had breast cancer, I went into a deep depression. Now that I know that my cancer has not spread, I feel elated. I still need treatment and may need more surgery, but I feel so happy, so appreciative for my new lease on life." All is relative even in health matters. "We're struggling financially. My husband makes $75,000. That's just not enough for a family to live on, on Long Island. Each year, our credit card balance increases. At the rate we're going, we'll never get out of debt. I don't know how we'll manage," gripes Debbie. In contrast, Elaine says, "Thank God, we've got no money problems. Ed's always been a good provider. He makes $70,000. We're not rich, but we've got so much more than my parents ever had. I feel blessed." All is relative, in wealth matters too. To make yourself feel like an underdog, size yourself up with all those people who are richer, smarter, healthier, better looking and more athletic than you. To feel like a loser, go for the gold and judge yourself as a failure when you only achieve silver. To live life in a funk, make sure your expectations consistently exceed your reality. To be green with envy, look to what others have, denigrate what you have. On the other hand, if you wish to make yourself feel like a topdog, appreciate who you are and what you have. Enrich your own good feelings by squashing those pie-in-the sky expectations. Pull the plug on those constant, crippling comparisons. Acknowledge your good traits as well as the valuable lessons that life has taught you. And remember, everything in life is relative.
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice and author of Master Your Fears: How to Triumph Over Your Worries and Get On With Your Life. She specializes in helping individuals, families and couples overcome self-defeating patterns of behavior. She invites you to visit her website at www.psychwisdom.com.Copyright © 2004
