By Linda Sepadin
They may feel shy, shaky, even terrified on the inside and yet appear competent and self-assured on the outside. Courage doesn't mean you do not feel afraid. On the contrary, courage is often the art of doing what needs to be done even if you're frightened out of your wits. Pretending to be okay even if you're not feeling it is half the battle of becoming a more self-confident person. Is this a difficult task? Sure. Is it worth the struggle? Definitely. For if you can "go through the motions," you'll not only accomplish what you've set out to do, but you'll also discover that pretend courage eventually becomes real courage. In short, you can "fake it till you make it."What happens, if instead of the "fake it" technique, you take the "easy route" and give in to your fears? If avoiding what's uncomfortable becomes your lifestyle, your life will be anything but easy. Sure, avoidance may relieve you from facing a fearful situation -for the moment - but look at the long-term effects. You will remain mired in fear, unable to progress, feeling increasingly frightened, ineffective, powerless and unskilled. Here are some reasons why "faking it till you make it" is a much better way to go. This strategy allows you the opportunity to learn new skills. With experience, persistence, and time, you'll be surprised by how much knowledge you can acquire and how much confidence you can develop. Though fear is self-perpetuating, so is confidence. The more skills you have under your belt, the less apprehensive you will be about learning new ones in the future. If, on the other hand, you let your fears prevent you from gaining experience, whatever you fear now will become increasingly terrifying as time goes on. Anticipatory anxiety is often worse than the actual experience you'll face. I often hear people say, after the experience is over, "It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be." This statement holds true for experiences as varied as learning a sport, giving a speech, meeting a new person, going on a job interview, speaking your mind. If you can "fake it till you make it," you will gain an opportunity to step beyond your fears, get immersed in the task at hand, and go on with your life. Some nervousness can actually help you. Athletes, actors, political figures, public speakers, and others who must perform under pressure tend to have their performances boosted by low-level stress. Though excessive anxiety may work against you, having a few butterflies in your stomach may actually work in your favor. So, if you're feeling wound up, on edge, nervous, or shy, don't let that stop you. Mild or moderate stress may be your best friend. One last thing. Faking it does not mean that you're doing anything shady. It doesn't mean you're defrauding others. All it means is that you're camouflaging your insecurities rather than advertising them to the world. Like everyone else, you're still growing and developing. If you prefer not to share with everyone that you're a novice or, despite years of experience, you still feel like a rookie, so be it. Present yourself as you want to be seen. Go about doing what's new, challenging, uncomfortable or outright frightening. Your reward: A life enriched in ways that wouldn't be possible if you avoided challenges because of your fears.
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice and the author of MASTER YOUR FEARS: How to Triumph Over Your Worries and Get On With Your Life (Wiley, 2004). She invites you to visit her new Web site at www.psychwisdom.com Copyright © 2004
