By: Linda Sapadin
As people move through the various stages of life, it's much easier if they know something about these stages beforehand and prepare for the challenges that they will encounter. Without such knowledge, people often think that something is wrong with them when they have difficulty in these areas. However, when you understand that it's the rare person who proceeds easily through life's transitions, you relax a bit more, laugh a bit more and try to hold on to the belief that this too shall pass.Each stage of life creates new demands that are difficult for most adults to handle smoothly or gracefully. Here are a few examples of ordinary transitions that most people need to negotiate.1.
Beginning the marriage. Just when you've managed the challenge of being an adult and taking full responsibility for yourself, you get married. Now you need to consider your spouse in just about everything you do: how you handle household tasks, how you spend money, what you do in your leisure time, where you go on vacation, when you see your friends, and a hundred and one other bits of daily life. 2.
Becoming a parent. Just when you've managed the challenge of "being a couple," the two of you become a three-some and, again, everything changes - how you spend your money, what you talk about, who does what in the household now, where you go on vacation (if you're lucky enough to go), what you do on your weekends, who your friends are, and on and on and on. 3.
More Children. Just when you've managed the challenge of being a parent, another bundle (or bundles) of joy arrives and everything changes exponentially - two kids doesn't only mean twice the noise, twice the chores, it's much more than that. It means kids fighting, messy rooms, laundry that never stops, budgets stretched to the limit, homework that never ends, schedules that require an office manager, etc. etc. etc. 4.
Adolescence. Just when you've managed to get a handle on the turmoil in your household, your kids' hormones kick in and everything changes - now you really have stuff to worry about, now you can really fight with your spouse as to what's the best way to discipline your teen, now you realize you need to pick your battles rather than fight about everything, and through it all, you must do your best to keep calm and maintain your sanity. 5.
Kids Leaving Home. Just when you think you've figured out how to be a parent to an adolescent, it's SAT time and before you know it you're driving your oldest off to college and the next one is only a few years behind. Once again, everything changes - now you worry not only about how your kid is doing at school but also how you're doing at home. The house is quieter now. That's good but what about that empty feeling inside? And how are you doing as a couple? It's been so long since it was just the two of you; what's going to happen to your relationship now? And perhaps for the first time, that old clich - where did the time go? - really takes on meaning. These transitions are just a few of the many that occur in the typical life cycle of a family. And I haven't even mentioned the ones that people do not expect but that may happen regardless -unexpected death, divorce, serious illness, moving, substance abuse, career change, job loss - just to name a few. Is it any wonder that so many people find life so difficult? And yet, what alternative is there except to live life as it unfolds, doing the best we can with what we have and, if at all possible, maintaining a sense of humor about life's predicaments.
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice who works with individuals, couples and families. © Copyright 2002
