By John C. O'Connell
Tara Ortiz is a graduate of the Salvation Army's Wayside Home School for Girls in North Valley Stream. Her mother died when she was very young. She lives in a foster home now and attends school in Manhattan. She plans on going to Medgar Evers College to study media and communications. She wants to get a place of her own.
Her life now would be much different, she says, without her mentor's love.
"I call my mentor, Yvette Thompson, every day," Tara said. "Without my mentor I would still be an angry person. I'd be miserable."
Wayside, a school and residential treatment center, has an enrollment capacity of 73. The girls come from New York City's five boroughs, Nassau, Suffolk and Westchester. There are only 10 mentors.
Francine Chung was the first mentor in Wayside's mentoring program, and she has filled that role for almost nine years now. She's an office manager with two kids in college.
"Some young women have no family," Chung said. "They have no example other than bad examples. No example of how women can be. There's no one to say, 'You're doing great.'"
Chung knows the value of being affirmed. And she knows the value of being associated with the Salvation Army. "I grew up in the Salvation Army," she said. "That was my church when I was growing up in Harlem. There were Salvation Army people there that showed you a better way to go."
Chung said that the young lady she mentors at Wayside has no family at all. "She came when she was 13 years old," she recalled. "No support at all. What mentors do is that they love you, they encourage the girl, they are happy for her."
They build up trust.
June Sullivan has been mentoring for eight months. The girl she mentors lost her mother just before Sullivan started as a mentor. She got involved in Wayside's mentoring program thinking she could teach girls to write better. But a couple of young women asked her to be "prayer partners," which means the mentor promises to pray for the girl.
"They want to share what they're going through," Sullivan said. "They want to tell someone they trust what they think of, what they're preoccupied with. They need to communicate. You just listen and love."
So many girls could be helped if they had the attention of a mentor, said Lt. Col. Lois Rader of the Salvation Army, which runs the school.
Rader said that some of the girls' mothers have died. Some have been adopted and then abandoned. Some of their fathers have died. Some don't know who their parents are. Some girls have been raised by grandmothers. Some have been in a variety of foster homes. Some have come to Wayside due to truancy, or parents who had drug problems. Some have been physically abused.
"They are looking for comfort and they need to talk," Rader said. "It's so hard [for them] to move on."
She wishes there were more mentors, and is hopeful more women will call her to discuss becoming a mentor to a girl at Wayside.
The teachers and counselors employed by Wayside have approximately 15 to 20 girls each to look after. But the individual care a mentor provides can often help turn a girl's life around.
Mentors should try to stick with one girl throughout the girl's time at Wayside, from 12 to 18 months, Rader said.
A mentor brings her own individuality and talents to the relationship. Feedback from girls who have been helped by a mentor reveals that it doesn't matter what a mentor's skills are, how she looks or how smart she is.
"They just need to be open-hearted and open-minded," Tara said. "What's important is their heart, their spirit, how loving they are. ... The girls here need someone to talk to."
Tara believes her mentor was and still is a critical part of her life. "When I was first here I didn't know anyone, and I was very emotionally depressed," she said. "But Col. Rader stuck by me. I went on a retreat to a camp and met [mentor] Yvette Thompson, whose spirit led her to come here. [She and I] have been inseparable since 1999.
"I accepted a lot of self-awareness from that retreat," she continued. "She understood me. She soothes me. She has a mother's spirit. I have gained a self-awareness, I learned to love myself. I have learned about God and about people. I learned how to deal with things. God came through in my life."
A mentor sees her girl once a week or once every other week, and should be available by phone as well.
Rader says Wayside is also looking for outlets in the community for the girls to be involved in. She is seeking business people to help. Wayside seeks donations, too.
"I never expected to be so close to my mentor," Tara said. "She's the mom I always wanted. I am thankful for Wayside. All you need is one friend. I know I found my one friend for life. There is just awesome love. I'm strong. It's going to be OK."
Rader invites any women interested in mentoring, or even just curious about Wayside, to call her at (516) 825-1600 x 201.
