By: Linda Sapadin
Consider these two scenarios: 1. Your first impression of Tom: "What a warm, friendly guy; I like him." The next time you meet him, however, he's cold and distant. 2. Your first impression of Mike: "What a cold, distant guy; I don't like him." The next time you meet him, however, he's warm and friendly. It seems logical to evaluate Tom and Mike in the same way, since the only difference is when their warm and friendly behavior occurred. However, studies by social psychologists indicate that most people respond to these two personalities very differently. People tended to excuse Tom's distant behavior, thinking that something must have been bothering him that day. On the other hand, they were suspicious of Mike's friendly behavior, wondering, what is this guy up to now? The importance of first impressions is particularly significant when starting a new school year. Consider again these two scenarios: 1. Robin starts off the year making a good impression with homework completed, active classroom participation and high grades. Six weeks into the school year, her homework is frequently late, her classroom participation is minimal and her grades have fallen. What will her teacher think? Chances are she will perceive Robin as a bright kid who does well in school and be curious about the reasons she's not performing well now. 2. Julie starts off her year making a very mediocre impression--homework inconsistent, classroom participation practically nil, and grades to match. Six weeks into the school year, she changes her work habits and her grades improve. What does her teacher think? Chances are she will perceive Julie as an average kid who is studying hard and will be pleased that the effort is paying off. Now I'm not suggesting that first impressions are everything. We all know someone whom we initially viewed in one way. Then, after we got to know him or her better, our opinion changed--sometimes for the better, other times for the worse. I am suggesting, however, that we become more aware of the first impressions we create. A good way to discover what people initially thought about you is to ask them. Ask friends, ask in-laws, ask children. See if their first impressions have changed. When Jill took me up on my suggestion, a few people told her that they had thought of her as "stuck-up; a snob, and her head in the clouds." Jill was shocked. "I thought everyone knew I am shy and it takes me awhile to warm up to people. I'm anything but a snob." When Pete took me up on the suggestion, a friend told him, "You were critical and aggressive. Lucky for us that my wife liked your wife enough to keep the relationship going. It's only after I got to know you better that I realized you're a great guy." If your first impression tends to make things difficult for you, why not make it easy on yourself by starting off on the right foot?
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice who works with individual, couples and families. ©Copyright 2002
