From camp to college

Ahhhh … the joy of dropping your children off at summer camp.

We are prepared. Backpack, lunch, snacks, bathing suit, goggles, towel, sandals, sunscreen, change of clothes, extra underwear and socks. I am prepared too, that is, prepared to actually spend some time taking care of myself — a manicure, maybe even a pedicure, and then a Grande latte and a chance to sit down (!) and read the newspaper.

This camp is beautiful. WOW! There’s baseball, soccer, swimming, rock climbing and arts and crafts.

“You sure are going to have fun here!” I shout enthusiastically as I follow just a half step behind my older son, moving my eyes back and forth, looking around anxiously.

The camp director approaches us and says, “The eight-year-old boys’ group, B8, meets each morning at the baseball field. I’ll take him there now.”

“Oh. Can’t I take him?” I ask, trying to disguise the begging in my voice.

“Just go, Mom,” my son says, kind of annoyed and maybe even slightly embarrassed.

“Oh. Okay. Have fun!” I manage to say, with a huge lump in my throat and tears welling up in my eyes.

How ridiculous. I am going to pick him up in 6 hours. I thought I was prepared for this. What is the big deal? I am just crushed that my little boy said, “Just go, Mom.” All of a sudden, I am brought back to that unforgettable and incredibly vivid moment, 27 years ago, when my parents dropped me off at the University of Michigan. “See you later, Mom,” is what I said. And my mom never forgot it. Later I found out that she was incredibly offended. But there I was — 40,000 people my age, an absolutely stunning campus, and as I saw it, the world at my fingertips. And that is what mattered to me.

“See you later, Mom,” I had said, casually, kind of expecting my mom to get a bit emotional but be strong. Instead, she burst into tears and proceeded to cry uncontrollably. I was secretly mortified, hoping that no potential boyfriends were walking by at that moment, anxious to begin my incredible college life.

“Mom, it’ll be okay. I’ll be home before you know it.”

I didn’t really mean “See you later, Mom.” What I meant was, “Thank you. Thank you for your incredible unselfishness and unconditional love that got me here. Thank you for this greatest opportunity ever! And don’t worry. I’ll be okay. You have taught me well.” But from a 17-year-old girl, that comes out as, “See you later, Mom.” And from an 8-year-old boy, as, “Just go, Mom.”

Ohhh … the pain of letting your children go.