Gaining Peace of Mind

As we become more aware, more mindful of 'what is', the precious commodity of peace of mind is often lost. Our mind, which is our most important tool for survival, is designed to help us cope with our environment. Yet, in this age of awareness in which we are constantly bombarded with information about which we can do nothing, more knowledge often means only increased agitation and anguish. An added problem: more choices may bring more confusion rather than greater satisfaction. Consciousness, rather than being a gift, can begin to feel like a curse.Here's some advice for those of you who are longing for the peace of mind of an earlier time.Cultivate Patience. This is one of the hardest habits to develop, since we are so attuned to always doing something to make things better or safer. Begin by acknowledging that you do not have control over many of the situations that you'd like to control. Respect that people have their own natures; events have their own timing. When faced with a stressful situation in which there's nothing that you can do, take a deep breath, relax and remind yourself that most upsetting events are not life-and-death matters. More likely, they simply do not fit into our preconceived ideas of how things should be.   Stop Orchestrating Other People's Lives. Be involved, be caring, be concerned. But don't micromanage or orchestrate another's life - not even your own children's once they are of a certain age. To be able to do this, you must develop a trusting mind, which is not synonymous with being naïve or stupid. Rather, it's dealing with  life optimistically and enthusiastically, trusting that most experiences work out well. And for those that don't, trusting that you'll be able to cope or learn to cope with whatever happens.  Appreciate How Good Things Really Are. In the introduction to my last book, Master Your Fears, I wrote, "It's strange that we live in an age in which we're healthier, safer, richer and living far longer than pervious generations ever dreamed of, yet none of that makes us feel safer or less vulnerable. Indeed, it's often true that the more we know, the longer we live, the wealthier we are, the more frightened we feel. Remember the days before seat belts, air bags, and bicycle helmets? Remember the days before we thought every lump and bump could be cancer? In those days we were actually more vulnerable, yet less aware of our vulnerability. We enjoyed life more because we knew less. Now, I'm not suggesting that ignorance is bliss. Or that we could possibly go backwards in time. But I am suggesting that we need to learn new ways to live an aware life with more courage and less fear."Despite all the problems in the world today, we've come a long way toward making life safer. In our quest for certainty and safety, we often lose focus of the fact that peace of mind is not dependent upon absolute safety.It's easy for our brains to go on overload with excessive exposure to what's going on in the world. Yet, there is no changing our new reality.  It's our job to be able to filter out the noise, quiet our minds, still our scares and get on with our lives.Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice who works with individuals, families and couples. Copyright © 2006