After all, he was of the same upbringing, so I didn't understand. As I was growing up, no cousin treated me better. Joe was seven years older than I was, so he took me to my first R-rated movie. But as he grew older, I noticed that he didn't seem happy, and, well, our relationship just deteriorated. There were so many emotions he must have been dealing with, feelings that I would never understand.
It came to the point where I wouldn't see my cousin for months or years at a time. He never "came out" to the family -- not because he was ashamed of who he was, but because he was worried how we might handle it. Joe was right to think that way. At 15, I probably wasn't prepared to hear it.
He did the right thing, but once I realized how much I missed him, and how things just weren't the same without him in our lives, it didn't matter whether he was gay or not. Either way, he was still my cousin.
It's been about seven years since I realized he was gay, and in all that time, all I've ever wanted to do was reach out to him. But that wasn't my decision to make; I didn't want to make him any more uncomfortable. In those seven years I've seen Joe about a dozen times, which is really a shame. We've wasted all that time when we could have been building on a relationship that began the day I was born.
I was headed to Washington D.C. last weekend when I remembered Joe had moved there a couple of years ago. This would be a great opportunity to finally throw caution to the wind and put all of our cards on the table. So I made the call. I told him I was going to be in town and how much I wanted to see him. As excited as he was, he wasted no more time. "I just want you to know I'm gay, and you probably know that already," he said.
What a relief. As usual, Joe made the situation a lot simpler and easier. The weekend turned out to be one of the best times I've ever had. As always, Joe was in great form, welcoming me with open arms, making me laugh and showing me a great time.
It was just a shame to let all those years go by, when we could have had so many more weekends before this one. But the best part of last weekend was finally seeing how happy he was. I was finally able to do what I was scared I might never have the chance to do again, spend time with someone I truly missed.
I just want to say thanks to Joe and his partner, Lucas, for showing me the sights and inviting me to one of the best parties I've ever been to. And Happy Birthday, Lucas!
