Thursday, October 1, 2026
It’s recently come to my attention that there have been multiple complaints to the Rockville Centre school district from parents who feel that their children are suffering inequities.
One couple was upset with their child’s placement in the music department. Another was dissatisfied that their child was cut from a school sport. A third complained because their child was upset by a sports jersey that another child had worn to school. It seems that child was offended by the jersey-wearer because he had not been chosen to play on a select team, when the other child had.
As adults we’ve most likely experienced some kind of disappointment in life that we’ve had to deal with. Maybe you didn’t get the promotion you felt you were the most qualified for. Maybe the girl you asked to the prom said no. Maybe a snowstorm closed the airport and as a result, your Caribbean vacation was canceled. When confronted with life’s little (and big) adversities, we have a choice. No doubt it’s natural to be upset initially, but what positive message can we take away from an upsetting experience? As parents, when our children are faced with swallowing a bitter pill, of course our first instincts are to comfort and protect our fledglings. What about the opportunity to use life’s disappointments as a teaching and learning experience? Why are so many parents setting their children up to feel as if they are entitled to what everyone else has, and that every aspect of life is fair?
What about telling your child that it’s OK if you didn’t make the team, but if it’s something you really want, get to work! Maybe the boy in the jersey comes home every day and practices hard to be the best at what he’s good at. Would we all like to be good at everything? It’s not likely that most of us will have a valedictorian in the family, but don’t we all encourage our children to apply themselves to their schoolwork and reach their highest potential, even if that’s an average grade? Should we ask that accomplished student to give up a few points from their average to the lower scoring student to make it “fair?” Do you tell your children that as long as they try their hardest, you are proud of them, even if their best is an average result?
If you put your daughter in dance class because she loves to twirl around the house, but you come to find that compared to all the other budding ballerinas, she has two left feet, do you still expect her to get the starring role in the Nutcracker because she really wants it?
We live in a village that’s not an example of “average.” There are many among us who are of means. Should my child feel inferior because I can’t necessarily afford to clothe him in Brooks Brothers, or drive him to school in a late model Mercedes? Absolutely not! We teach our children to appreciate what they have, to realize that it is more than most have, and we do our best to work hard and provide what we can. Should I pick up the phone and complain to school Superintendent Dr. William Johnson that my child feels deprived and upset because his classmates are wearing Lacoste and he’s not? Should I demand that other kids be considerate and wear Gap instead? Should we ban kids from proudly wearing their Giants gear to school because it might upset the Jets fans? Where would it end?
It’s time for parents to wake up and realistically evaluate their children and what they’re teaching them. Instead of striving for excellence, many are expecting a certain level of success to be handed on a silver platter. Yes, it can be even more challenging when many around you have the advantage of extra tutoring, individual sports training, private music lessons or just abundant natural talent and ability.
Our village is blessed with numerous parents, teachers, coaches and instructors who invest their time and talents to provide a springboard for our youngsters to experiment in most sports, theater, dance, academia and more. As parents, we encourage our children to try many things, decide what they like, determine what they’re good at and what they want to stick with. There are programs of all levels for children to learn and develop their interests. Not every level is for every participant. It’s hard to find a niche, but fortunately our youngsters have ample opportunity to do so in Rockville Centre.
One example of an opportunity to determine a child’s ability comes through our youth soccer program. Over the decades, Rockville Centre soccer has earned a fabulous reputation — both in the youth program and at the high school level. Why has South Side soccer enjoyed the incredible track record it’s earned? It’s been fed by a well-honed youth program. Children can play soccer in an intramural setting, learn and gain skills, and have an opportunity to try out for a travel team. Those who are selected have an opportunity to play at another level. Those who are cut also can play on an intramural or inter-town level and continue to gain skills and improve. And guess what? The next year they can try out again! There are many cases where children who were initially cut make it later on and children who initially were selected lose interest or do not develop further and choose to move on. It’s a hard reality for an 8- or 9-year-old to deal with, and sometimes harder on the parents who love him, but again, it’s how you choose to navigate the situation. There’s the fabled story of how Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team … everyone knows how that one ended.
It’s time to stop trying to punish people who earn success, and instead look at them as an inspiration — or OK, look at them as competition and help your children set some goals and shepherd them down a path to success. As parents, we should be appalled that any institution would lower their standards to try to be “fair” to everyone. The biggest gift we can bestow on our children is to accept them as they are, love them, nurture them and guide them with a realistic vision and the utmost support. Nobody has the exact recipe for success, but surely in our idyllic village, it’s not pretty to try to elevate yourself or your child by diminishing others’ accomplishments.
