By:Carrie James
When Missy Hiltzik's children first learned of the tragedy that befell New York City and America on Sept. 11, they were terrified.
"It was terrible for them," she said. "It brought our family together. We spend a lot more time together now."
A month later, her three daughters, for the most part, have returned to normal life. Still, they have fears that haven't been easily allayed, especially the youngest daughter, Lindsey.
For example, the youngster is more urgent at bed time for her mother to tuck her in, continually asking her mom, "Are you coming up yet?" She needs more human contact and assurances that she and the family are safe.
According to Dr. Margaret Laska, director of special education and pupil personnel services for the East Meadow School District, these reactions are normal for children who have experienced or witnessed a trauma such as that of Sept. 11. Laska, who is also a psychologist trained in crisis intervention, talked about common reactions and how parents can help their children cope during a presentation to the East Meadow PTA Council last Thursday evening.
"You as parents and your children have had major reactions to this tragedy," Laska told a roomful of parents at East Meadow High School's Little Theatre. "Most crises are sudden. They occur, and then they are over. This is a different situation; no one knows when it will end."
Laska met with parents in hopes of giving them insight into various types of reactions to trauma, how to cope with feelings and what is going on and how to move on. Her talk was geared toward children of all ages.
Many of those who experience or witness a trauma go through some sort of post-traumatic stress. Reactions vary by how close the person was to the tragedy. The catastrophe impacts most those who are closest to it, and it ripples out to others from there.
"There is no standard reaction or response to something like this," she said. "Traumatic stress might be brief or prolonged. There are no normal reactions to abnormal events."
There are four types of traumatic reactions, including post-traumatic stress syndrome, Laska said. Most people in East Meadow will experience lesser degrees of stress in the categories of secondary stress disorder or general traumatic stress reactions.
Secondary stress disorder results from exposure to those who are traumatized, and traumatic stress reactions include a variety of symptoms. For most part, such people can continue their lives, but "it's different," Laska said.
Some common symptoms that parents should look for in themselves and their adult friends and family include anxiety, hyper-vigilance, eating or sleeping problems, loss of interest, emotional or mental fatigue and withdrawal. The symptoms are even more acute for those who work or live in Manhattan, Laska said.
"It's just so draining to go in there," she said. "It's like going to a funeral every day. You don't want to go in there."
But the symptoms can be seen in young people as well, and Laska said it's important for parents to watch their children and take any necessary action to make sure they cope and move on in a healthy way.
"As you go, so go your children," Laska told the room of parents. "They will turn to you for how to react. Set the tone for how you're going to react and how the family will react."
Hiltzik said she and her husband have tried to keep a brave front for their children, but they also communicate their feelings and encourage their children to do the same.
When her three daughters have questions, she and her husband answer them as honestly as they can. They spend a lot more time with them and help them understand that they are safe.
"I was in a state of shock when it first happened," Holtzik said. "But we put on a brave front for them. We let them know we are safe and that me and my husband are here for them."
When the couple went into Manhattan to see a Broadway show, they called the girls a dozen times to let them know they were safe. Hiltzik said she found it important to be honest with the children and tell them Manhattan is safe, but going there and returning safely showed them that things truly are all right.
"We wanted to go to show them that things are safe here," she said. "When [my husband] does go into the city, we don't hide it. We let them know he will be OK."
Hiltzik's children are in middle and high school. They all fall into the 11- to 14-year-old age group and have similar reactions to the situation. Laska said youths in this age range might display sleep disturbances, social withdrawal, changes in appetite, rebellious behavior and poor school performance.
The first age group, preschool (1 to 5 years old), might not understand what is going on, Laska said, but they do know that something is wrong and can also show symptoms of trauma that include thumb-sucking, bed-wetting, fear of the dark and separation difficulties.
Children 5 to 11 might show poor concentration, regressive behaviors, withdrawal and anxiety. Teenagers, on the other hand, tend to internalize their trauma through apathy or depression, sleeping or eating disorders, becoming home bodies, as well as developing anxiety.
Parents can take many steps to help children move beyond their trauma reactions and return to a more normal life again, Laska said.
"Parents should maintain routines," Laska said. "Kids feel secure with routines. Limit their exposure to media coverage. Avoid ethnic scapegoating. Talk in terms they can understand. Don't give them more information than is necessary. Reassure them of their immediate safety, and you may need to show increased signs of affection."
For the most part, Laska said, both adults and children should feel their symptoms to traumatic stress waning now that a month has passed. At the same time, however, many might feel problems for some time because almost every day a new event occurs related to the initial tragedy, such as the war against terrorism or discoveries of anthrax.
When symptoms don't show signs of decreasing, or the children can't function properly, Laska said, parents should consider seeking outside help from a school or child psychologist.
If chidlren show "signs of self-destruction, weight changes, drug use, decline in school performance," parents need to take those as warning signs their children aren't coping well.
All the parents who left Laska's presentation were better equipped to help themselves and especially their children cope and move on after tragedy.
"Everything that Dr. Laska said hit a nerve," Hiltzik said. "I found it to be very enlightening, and it was a great opportunity for us to talk and hear about what other parents were doing. It also let us know that we are doing the right things."
For more information on how parents can help their kids cope, Laska said parents can contact their school psychologist.
