By Anthony Rifilato
It was Aug. 29, just 13 days before the sixth anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks. The staff of the Family Center - a free program launched in the aftermath of the attacks that provides crisis counseling, services and activities for families who lost loved ones - was gearing up for a number of memorial ceremonies and programs in the days leading up to the anniversary.
"It's a busy week," said Miller, who lost her husband, Joel, on 9/11 and now works as a family outreach coordinator at the center, which recently relocated from Rockville Centre to Baldwin. "We have a full schedule."
The center has been a haven for more than 40 children from families in the village who lost a loved one in the attacks, with 25 of them having lost at least one parent.
The schedule includes not only a ceremony honoring 9/11 responders on Sept. 5 at the South Nassau Communities Hospital Atrium, but a "Future of 9/11" conference. The latter is a follow-up to a symposium at Hofstra University last year, at which children and families will share their thoughts about their losses, and the future.
For Miller and many others, it's a chance to better understand how the tragedy has affected their lives.
"This year, we took more of an intellectual approach," said Thomas Demaria, assistant vice president of behavioral health services at South Nassau Communities Hospital, which launched the center on Sept. 29, 2001, to provide crisis counseling and services for families and first responders. "This year we thought we'd have the families talk more about their personal experiences. It's our hope that people think about what the event meant and how it changed our world. We feel very strongly that the legacy of 9/11 is about the people who died."
For Miller, whose husband worked as a disaster recovery specialist at Marsh & McClennan, the WTC Family Center is a refuge. "It's an amazing support system," she said. "We really listen to each other about what's going on in our daily lives."
Miller and Demaria agree that there is a tremendous need for the services the center provides, especially on Long Island. "Mt. Sinai did a study saying that the largest concentration of bereaved children is in Nassau County," Demaria said. "Here we had larger families who were impacted by the attacks. And 42 percent of families still have no remains. That's not easy for kids and families to understand."
The WTC Family Center is supported by SNCH, the American Red Cross and private contributions. Also known as 9/11 Forward, the center is now located at 2211 Grand Ave. - SNCH's mental health counseling center in Baldwin - after six years in Rockville Centre.
"I still get calls from families who didn't know we're here," Miller said. "We haven't curtailed programming because of the move, and people understand and appreciate that we're still here."
The organization recently received a $237,000 grant from the Red Cross, which will help maintain the services and programs that Miller and Demaria said families have come to rely on as they face a number of issues in the years ahead. A second program supported by SNCH and begun in 2002, "Home Ground," focuses on reaching out to 9/11 rescue and recovery workers who may continue to feel the impact of the loss of colleagues and the stress of their work at ground zero.
"The issue of coping with the loss of a loved one is a lifelong process, and it changes," Demaria said. "Kids go off to school, widows get older, and there are different life cycle issues. We find that the need continues."
The inside of the center belies what you might expect a space designed to help those affected by the attacks to look like, and there are few reminders of the attacks. "In the first few weeks after 9/11, one mother said her son didn't want to come to a place that's like a funeral parlor," Demaria said. "We tried to make it a place not to come and just cry."
Instead, there is a range of spirited and reflective artwork - mostly created by children - adorning the center's walls. Miller and Demaria said that it is a testament to the strides children have made. "They're the hope of the future, and we're trying to make them more resilient, Demaria said. "We're trying to get kids to focus on the future and not just the past."
Miller said that in the six years the center has been operating, children and families have benefited from a range of programs, from counseling services and bereavement groups to field trips and retreats that have included kayaking and other outdoor activities. She and Demaria explained that the organization provides activities for parents and children alike, such as the popular Harry Potter parties and "Kids Kamp" in July, which make them more comfortable being around other kids who are going through similar experiences.
"It's designed to help the kids deal with the loss of a parent," Demaria said about the Harry Potter character, whose parents were killed by terrorists. "We feel the events and activities we use will help children deal with their memories, instead of getting in their face and forcing them to talk. With those activities - like the Harry Potter parties, Cheetah Girl groups, and dinners for spouses - those help the parents and the kids get back into the world. We don't want these kids to be isolated, but integrated, and to build the skills and courage to deal with the demands of the world."
Many of the programs, Miller said, are generated by families and are based on need. They address a number of issues, ranging from sleep disorders to home repair workshops, that survivors must deal with.
"Just look at what we've done in the past six years," Miller said. "We have hundreds of programs that the families have generated. We've been able to change the programming by having a pulse on what's going on. It's really a living program."
The center has planned a number of memorial events next week, including a family boat ride around lower Manhattan and the dedication of a sixth-anniversary memorial quilt at the "Future of 9/11" conference.
"There's nothing like trying to share who my husband was," said Miller, adding that there is added significance this year as family members talk about their personal experience. "When a family member does it, it comes from a different place."
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