By Anthony Rifilato
It was Aug. 29, just 13 days before the sixth anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks. The staff of the Family Center ' a free program launched in the aftermath of the attacks that provides crisis counseling, services and activities for families who lost loved ones ' was gearing up for a number of memorial ceremonies and programs in the days leading up to the anniversary.
³It¹s a busy week,² said Miller, who lost her husband, Joel, on 9/11 and now works as a family outreach coordinator at the center, which recently relocated to Baldwin. ³We have a full schedule.²
That schedule includes not only a ceremony honoring 9/11 responders on Sept. 5 at the South Nassau Communities Hospital Atrium, but a ³Future of 9/11² conference. The latter is a follow-up to a symposium at Hofstra University last year, at which children and families will share their thoughts about their losses, and the future.
For Miller and many others, it¹s a chance to better understand how the tragedy has affected their lives.
³This year, we took more of an intellectual approach,² said Thomas Demaria, assistant vice president of behavioral health services at South Nassau Communities Hospital, which launched the center on Sept. 29, 2001, to provide crisis counseling and services for families and first responders. ³This year we thought we¹d have the families talk more about their personal experiences. It¹s our hope that people think about what the event meant and how it changed our world. We feel very strongly that the legacy of 9/11 is about the people who died.²
For Miller, whose husband worked as a disaster recovery specialist at Marsh & McClennan, the WTC Family Center is a refuge. ³It¹s an amazing support system,² she said. ³We really listen to each other about what¹s going on in our daily lives.²
Miller and Demaria agree that there is a tremendous need for the services the center provides, especially on Long Island. ³Mt. Sinai did a study saying that the largest concentration of bereaved children is in Nassau County,² Demaria said. ³Here we had larger families who were impacted by the attacks. And 42 percent of families still have no remains. That¹s not easy for kids and families to understand.²
The WTC Family Center is supported by SNCH, the American Red Cross and private contributions. Also known as 9/11 Forward, the center is now located at 2211 Grand Ave. ' SNCH¹s mental health counseling center in Baldwin ' after six years in Rockville Centre.
³I still get calls from families who didn¹t know we¹re here,² Miller said. ³We haven¹t curtailed programming because of the move, and people understand and appreciate that we¹re still here.²
The organization recently received a $237,000 grant from the Red Cross, which will help maintain the services and programs that Miller and Demaria said families have come to rely on as they face a number of issues in the years ahead. A second program supported by SNCH and begun in 2002, ³Home Ground,² focuses on reaching out to 9/11 rescue and recovery workers who may continue to feel the impact of the loss of colleagues and the stress of their work at ground zero.
³The issue of coping with the loss of a loved one is a lifelong process, and it changes,² Demaria said. ³Kids go off to school, widows get older, and there are different life cycle issues. We find that the need continues.²
The inside of the center belies what you might expect a space designed to help those affected by the attacks to look like, and there are few reminders of the attacks. ³In the first few weeks after 9/11, one mother said her son didn¹t want to come to a place that¹s like a funeral parlor,² Demaria said. ³We tried to make it a place not to come and just cry.²
Instead, there is a range of spirited and reflective artwork ' mostly created by children ' adorning the center¹s walls. Miller and Demaria said that it is a testament to the strides children have made. ³They¹re the hope of the future, and we¹re trying to make them more resilient, Demaria said. ³We¹re trying to get kids to focus on the future and not just the past.²
Miller said that in the six years the center has been operating, children and families have benefited from a range of programs, from counseling services and bereavement groups to field trips and retreats that have included kayaking and other outdoor activities. She and Demaria explained that the organization provides activities for parents and children alike, such as the popular Harry Potter parties and ³Kids Kamp² in July, which make them more comfortable being around other kids who are going through similar experiences.
³It¹s designed to help the kids deal with the loss of a parent,² Demaria said about the Harry Potter character, whose parents were killed by terrorists. ³We feel the events and activities we use will help children deal with their memories, instead of getting in their face and forcing them to talk. With those activities ' like the Harry Potter parties, Cheetah Girl groups, and dinners for spouses ' those help the parents and the kids get back into the world. We don¹t want these kids to be isolated, but integrated, and to build the skills and courage to deal with the demands of the world.²
Many of the programs, Miller said, are generated by families and are based on need. They address a number of issues, ranging from sleep disorders to home repair workshops, that survivors must deal with.
³Just look at what we¹ve done in the past six years,² Miller said. ³We have hundreds of programs that the families have generated. We¹ve been able to change the programming by having a pulse on what¹s going on. It¹s really a living program.²
The center has planned a number of memorial events next week, including a family boat ride around lower Manhattan and the dedication of a sixth-anniversary memorial quilt at the ³Future of 9/11² conference.
³There¹s nothing like trying to share who my husband was,² said Miller, adding that there is added significance this year as family members talk about their personal experience. ³When a family member does it, it comes from a different place.²
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