By: Linda Sepadin
As added perks, you'll sleep better, be more energized, lower your blood pressure and maybe even improve your golf game.Jill, a 42-year-old mother of three, is the kind of person who worries a lot, honing in on danger wherever she goes. She's inclined to make tough moments bigger, more threatening, and more frightening than they really are. Last winter, she admitted to ruining a family trip because of her constant worries that one of them would break a leg. This summer, her focus has been on impending terrorist attacks that prevent her from venturing beyond her immediate neighborhood.Clearly, Jill needs to learn how to cultivate a relaxed mind. Here are two guidelines, one for the mind and one for the body that could help her in that endeavor:1. Shift the focus from what's threatening to what's exciting or promising about a situation.It's often a fine line between what's exciting and what's scary. When thinking about vacations or trips to the city, Jill couldn't help it if a fearful thought popped into her mind. But she could learn to develop control over how long that thought stayed there. She could make a conscious effort to remind herself about the flip side of the coin - the excitement of an experience or trip.In regard to a ski trip, she could remind herself of her favorite adage - "families who play together, stay together." In regard to traveling to the city, she could refresh her memory about loving the New York experience of dinner and a Broadway show.2. Tighten up to relax. Paradoxically, tightening up can be a good method to help you relax. Why? Because exaggerating the tightness in your muscles makes it easier to let go. Here's an exercise to do. Hold your right arm straight out in front of you. Make a fist. Tighten all the muscles in your arm and hand. Hold that position for 10 seconds. Now let go. Let that arm plop into your lap. Go limp. Let your arm be like a rag doll - soft, flabby, weak. (You know, all the things you think you're not supposed to be).Now continue the exercise with your left arm, your shoulders, your neck, your right leg, your left leg.Now if you've done (not just read) this exercise, you will notice your body is more relaxed. This is great! A relaxed body is a good home for a relaxed mind. Staying on constant alert for the next catastrophe isn't helpful. It's exhausting and counter-productive. If this is the way you have been living life, try another approach. Tell yourself that you don't need to control whatever or whomever you're trying to control. Tell yourself, you don't need to get one more thing done today. Instead, take time (even if you don't have any) to listen to your favorite music. Or take a warm bath. Or sit by the fireplace and stare at the flames; so what, if it's summertime. Or take a stroll on the beach and listen to the waves; so what, if it's wintertime. You're in God's playground. Enjoy it!Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice and author of Master Your Fears: How to Triumph Over Your Worries and Get On With Your Life. She specializes in helping individuals, families and couples overcome self-defeating patterns of behavior. She invites you to visit her website at www.psychwisdom.com Copyright
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