By Linda Sapadin, Ph. D.
Want to make life easier for yourself? Here are four guidelines for you to follow:
- Stop worrying about being perfect.
- Stop obsessing about what other people think of you.
- Relinquish control of insignificant details (and most of them are insignificant).
- Stop agonizing over your mistakes.
If you think these four things are difficult to do, you are right. However, the alternative is no picnic either.
Guaranteed, if you are worrying about being perfect, if you are obsessing about what other people think of you, if you believe you must be in control of all the details in your life (and other's lives), if you constantly agonize over your mistakes, your life is not an easy one. Indeed, I would venture to say, you are most likely living an emotionally troubled and anguished life.
So what can you do to lighten your load? Here are a few thoughts to ponder:
- Some people will never approve of what you do, so concentrate on pleasing yourself and pleasing those who really matter to you.
- Appeasing others may pay off in the short run, but in the long run may bring you little or no satisfaction.
- It's never too late for you to learn new ways to live.
- When you have made a mistake, think about what can be learned from it and what you might do differently the next time around.
- Dare to believe that most details in life are really not very significant at all.
- If all your fears must first be put to rest, you will never be able to do much at all.
- If all criticism must first be overcome, you will never be able to do anything creative, daring or difficult. If you are determined to meet your goals, respond to resistance (others as well as your own) with persistence.
- If you've been afraid your whole life, when you get old you're going to regret a whole lot of things you never did.
- Fear exaggerates the negative, ignores the positive and focuses on problems that may never come to be. Work hard to adjust these misperceptions.
- Life is basically a risky business. Take the risks; make your mistakes but don't give up on yourself or your goals.
- Fear can go after what you love and tear it apart. DON'T LET IT!
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice who specializes in individual and family therapy as well as personal coaching. (c) Copyright 2000
