Is it a need or is it a want?

      What is it about our culture that makes so many people feel dissatisfied with their lot in life when people from other cultures think we have everything?
      What is it about our ability to handle frustration that we view certain things as so terrible?
       Is it really so awful that we may have trouble finding the exact style and fit of clothing that we desire? Or that our internet service is slower than our neighbors? Or that we have annoying paperwork to take care of? Or that we are on the slowest line at the supermarket?
      Why are we so fragile that snow in the winter panics us? And a line at the movies on Saturday night bums us out? And traffic during rush hour makes us furious?
      It sometimes seems to me that the more we have, the less appreciative we are. The higher our expectations, the higher our frustrations. Why should this be so?
      Maybe it's because our culture bombards us with messages that we deserve the best---in goods, in services, in life. After all, you only have one life to live. Have to make it the best!
      Maybe it's because advertising creates artificial wants, then defines them as needs. You must buy this item, you cannot do without this experience. You have to have what you think you want---even if you don't really want it!
      Maybe it's because so many of us were brought up to feel that we are special-and in our immaturity, we don't realize that we are special only to the people who love us---not to everybody.
      Maybe it's because if we've bought into the belief that we're special, we also believe we're entitled--entitled to have things go our way, entitled to have our expectations met, entitled to an easy life.
      Then too, many people have set up their lifestyle so that it contributes to their dissatisfaction. They have no patience and little tolerance for frustration. They expect things to be easy. They are disappointed if they can't get what they want or do what they want. They tell themselves, "I absolutely have to (**italics)have this item to be satisfied. Or I must be loved by this person to be happy. Or the other person has todo what I want them to do."
      It's good for you to take some time to step outside your own skin to look at your life from another person's perspective. When you do, you may realize just how lucky you are. Even if you don't have everything you want, you probably already have everything you need.
      Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice who specializes in individual and family therapy as well as personal coaching.
Copyright 2001