By Mary Malloy
Now, I find that I have lost my "tolerance chip" - I no longer allow myself, or anyone near or dear to me - to be taken advantage of or to be treated poorly. Now, I am the "b" word - but only with provocation!
It's not always easy. I was a pleaser, always wanted people to like me, to think I was a good person, certainly not a troublemaker. I still don't believe nice guys finish last -- they just sleep better.
I am always polite at first, I just don't take kindly to being treated poorly. I know people who, when dealing with (or rather not dealing with) situations, who say, "What difference would it make anyway?" "Why should I start trouble?" "It's not worth it." The trouble, to me, started when you were not being treated respectfully, not when you rightfully reacted to the situation. It is worth it. Demanding respect is definitely worth it.
Don't think you can make a difference? Think again. I know mistakes can be made - a wrong price tag here, a slip of the tongue there - but when anyone is intentionally rude to me, I call them on it. It's being respectful to yourself when you do not allow others to treat you badly. And maybe, just maybe, they'll think twice before they do it to somebody else.
Remember "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!" from the movie, "Network"? That's how I feel. It was tough in the beginning -- who wants to be perceived as a troublemaker? I call it the "three strikes and you're gonna get a piece of me" routine. It goes something like this:
Me (smiling): "Hi, could you tell me why the sale price didn't ring up?"
Cashier: "Well, it's probably not on sale."
Me (still smiling): "But the sign says it is on sale." (I could be wrong, so I am ready to be told that I am - I can make mistakes, too.)
Cashier: "Well, maybe it's the wrong size" (or color, or style, or brand).
Me (not smiling anymore, but pleasant) "I think it is..I could be wrong..can you....check with someone?"
Cashier (heavy sigh): Well, I guess I could...(looks at me, realizes that I have not fallen through the hole in the floor as she wished I had.)
Me (prompting) "Maybe a manager."
Cashier: "Well, I guess....."
In this instance, she was not rude, just not very helpful. My hand was forced. The end result of this differs sometimes: 1). I could be wrong, grabbed the wrong size item, or 2). It was mismarked and/or put in the wrong spot, or 3). It was on sale, and put in the system incorrectly. Either way, she should have checked right away, instead of playing the game of "Who Will Give in First." (It's never me, by the way.)
I know people are people - there are mean ol' nasty customers as well as courteous salespeople and bankers. But treat me with respect, as I will treat you.
I worked in sales, I know how it is. Remember the olden days, when we were nice, polite and helpful to customers, even when we hated to be? Remember when customers would come back because they wanted to buy from decent, upstanding companies?
Now it's every man and woman for themselves, whether its customer, client or proprietor. Not treating each other with respect and courteousness is uncivilized. I deserve better. So do you. Keep smiling while you demand respect.
Comments about this column? MMalloy@liherald.com or (516) 569-4000 ext. 202.
