By: Linda Sapadin
Perhaps that's why I laughed so hard at a recent column in Newsday written by Ed Lowe. For those of you who follow Lowe's column, you know that he is a superb "real life" story teller. His tales are either poignant, tearful or humorous. The story I want to summarize for you appealed to me not only because it was so funny but also because it was such a good example of how people can behave when they feel irritated, act from righteous indignation and jump to false conclusions.The story takes place on an overnight transatlantic flight and is told by a woman with an intact ego and a joie de vivre. (This is my assumption about her, based on her going public with this tale.) Finding herself squashed into a seat next to a 200+ pound guy, she did what any self-respecting airline traveler would do - look around for a better seat. Voila! Right across the aisle was a young lady with four seats all to herself. Though the woman's stuff was strewn over the other seats, our protagonist summoned up the courage to move over anyway. All was going well until the aircraft dimmed the lights, alerting passengers that it was time to get comfy and go to sleep. Well that was just fine for the young lady who curled up and spread out across several seats but it was misery for our leading lady who finds it difficult to sleep on an airplane. Not that she didn't try. But the young lady at the other end of the row did not make it easy, what with her wriggling around and hitting our heroine with her stretched out feet. So after trying for about an hour to doze, our protagonist went to the bathroom, freshened up and returned several minutes later to her seat. Imagine what went through her mind when she saw a package on her seat that looked like a bowling ball. Her thoughts came fast and furious.
How dare this woman displace me! She's not kicking me out of my seat. No way am I going to let that happen! And so our gutsy senior citizen decided to pick up the "bowling ball" and toss it right back to this nervy young woman. Yet it was heavier than she thought. Surprisingly, she could lift it no more than a few inches off the seat. Determined, however, she tried to lift it a second time until she heard a gurgling sound and took a second look at what she was lifting. To her horror, she realized, that the "bowling ball" was
another passenger's head. How mortified she was! Slinking back to her seat, which she now realized was a few rows away, she hid out under her blanket for the rest of the flight, ever so grateful that the man had not awakened. (Thank God for guys who can sleep through anything!). How could this intelligent woman come to such an erroneous conclusion? Though this particular situation was unique (to say the least), our jumping to wrong conclusions when we are irritable, fatigued, have poor sensory input, or an attitude of "righteous indignation" often leads us to presumptions and actions that have us wondering later on,
"What was I thinking?" Actually this story reminds me of my own recent incident that had no humor to it at all, but that shook me up because I was so sure I knew what I saw and I was so damned wrong. I was in my car in a parking lot, waiting for an SUV in front of me and a car in front of him to move.
"Move already," I'm thinking, becoming impatient about the delay. Then I heard the crash. The two people got out of their vehicles and after conversing for awhile came over to me. The man in the SUV asked me if I had seen what happened.
"Yes," I replied, "I saw you hit into the car in front of you." "What!" he responded shaking his head in disbelief, "We both agree that she backed into me." As they walked away, I was left to wonder about my conclusion. After thinking about it for awhile, I realized that I probably didn't see anything; I just heard the crash and assumed that the guy in back hit the car in front. After all, that's the way it usually happens. I was thankful that they both agreed with each other. If not, I could have been testifying for the wrong person because I knew I was right! So, with some humility, I offer you this advice. Don't lock-in to your way of thinking even when you are quite sure you are right and have quickly dismissed other possible explanations. And if you do jump to an erroneous conclusion, admit it, apologize and learn something from the experience.
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice who works with individuals, couples and families. © Copyright 2002 .
