By Rachel Kalina
Although Robert was able to save his own life by ducking into a pizza place, his brother, Matt, would perish in the collapse of the north tower of the World Trade Center. Matt¹s body was never recovered, but five years later, his family makes sure to keep his memory alive.
Matt, 39, had worked for 10 years at Cantor Fitzgerald, which lost 658 of its employees in the attacks. Having made many friends throughout his life, Matt was social and giving, Robert said. The two had spent many years exploring the city. They frequented a Manhattan sports bar called the Polo Grounds, and went to Yankees games with their sister and two other brothers, as well as Robert¹s son ‹ and Matt¹s godson ‹ Bobby. As children, Robert said, he and Matt had slept in the same bunk bed for more than 3,000 nights.
³How do you measure that loss?² Robert said early this month. ³It was very painful to go to the ball park initially because of the pain of not having him around.²
After leaving his office at Broadway and 45th Street that morning, Robert went to the twin towers to try and find his brother. Matt had managed to survive the 1993 World Trade Center bombing, and Robert hoped he would escape again. Neither he nor anyone else could get near the north tower, so they stood across the street and were stunned as they watched.
³It was sort of like a scene from a King Kong movie ‹ everyone was looking up,² Robert said. ³They were trapped. I was hoping Matt had gotten out. He¹d gotten out once before. It was double jeopardy ‹ I wondered, How could this happen twice?²
After finding different ways to work through his grief ‹ primarily concentrating on being a role model of a father ‹ Robert said he can now enjoy fond memories of his brother while at a baseball game. He said Matt was the type of guy who felt life was precious, a point he had made clear when their father died 20 years ago. ³[Matt] would want us to keep going and not to wallow in our grief,² Robert said.
A scholarship created in Matt¹s name at his alma mater, John¹s Hopkins University, is helping to keep his memory alive. Bobby, 18, said he still thinks of his uncle whenever he goes to a Yankees game. He is also reminded of Matt when he hears certain songs, he said. The two used to talk all the time, and Bobby plans to go into business when he starts college soon, just like Matt.
Matt and his wife, Lauren, had been married for only a year when he died. Many of Matt¹s co-workers, with whom Robert was also close, had attended Matt¹s bachelor party in the summer of 2000, a boat ride around Manhattan. This crowd of 120 friends was testament to Matt¹s gregariousness. Twenty of them perished along with Matt on Sept. 11.
³Not being able to call several of his friends to grieve his loss is particularly painful,² Robert said.
Robert says that he and Bobby have found solace in the memorial services held for some of those who died on Sept. 11. On the first anniversary of the attacks, Bobby was asked to pass the torch at an eternal flame lighting ceremony at Battery Park in Lower Manhattan, during which the victims¹ names were read. Bobby stood among fireman as well as dignitaries such as Gov. George Pataki and former Mayor Rudolph Giuliani.
³We were just in the pit, and a guy came up to us and asked us to do it,² Bobby said of the request to take part in the ceremony. ³There were 68 countries¹ worth of world leaders, and it was televised in those countries.²
In the years since the attacks, the O¹Mahony family has remembered Matt on the anniversary by holding a private ceremony in their parish, but this year they returned to ground zero. Robert said that his mother, Helen O¹Mahony ‹ most likely the last person to speak to Matt, when he called her from his office ‹ has requested that the family make the trip into Manhattan. Helen hasn¹t been to ground zero since the first anniversary of Sept. 11, and after this visit, she said, she won¹t return until a memorial is built on the site.
³I didn¹t realize what a gift it was,² Helen said of Matt¹s phone call, ³because when it happened, I couldn¹t tell the story.² She was on her way to Mass that morning when the phone rang, and almost didn¹t pick it up. She found out later that he had tried but was unable to get in touch with his wife.
³Are you listening?² Matt had said to his mother. ³I don¹t know what¹s ahead for me, Ma, but I love you, and I¹ll always love you.²
Helen said she has never forgotten those words, and the first thing she does every morning is tell Matt she loves him. She believes they will reunite someday, and she goes to Mass often to feel closer to him.
To help their family and others deal with their grief, Robert and Bobby have been involved in the World Trade Center Family Center in Rockville Centre. Founded and run by Dr. Thomas Demaria, the center is one of the largest counseling facilities in the metropolitan area, and has helped more than 2,000 grieved family members on Long Island ‹ including 750 children. It sponsors activities such as an upcoming boat ride around Manhattan and a convention with victims of the Oklahoma City bombings.
³We try to mix activities with counseling,² Demaria said. ³We believe in taking families together with counselors to events and helping people talk.²
Activities for children include Harry Potter parties ‹ because, Demaria said, children can relate to the murders of Potter¹s own parents. Bobby has helped out at the center by taking children to baseball games and teaching them arts and crafts. ³It made me feel better as a person,² he said. ³I was like a father figure for them.²
Demaria said that surviving family members have provided great support for one another. He and Robert share the sentiment that Sept. 11 was a line of demarcation in America¹s history. ³Before 9/11,² Robert said, ³I had this no-matter-what-happens-I¹ll-land-on-my-feet attitude. After 9/11, everything I do is much more measured because the tragedy has revealed to me life¹s finitude. Every second counts.²
³Living as New Yorkers in a state of constant terrorist alert does something,² Demaria said. ³It makes you look at what is important.²
Bobby said he is now more aware of world events. He and Robert attended the premiere of Oliver Stone¹s ³World Trade Center.² ³I wanted to keep being reminded of Sept. 11,² Bobby said. ³I don¹t want to forget.²
Robert said that he, too, wants to keep remembering Matt. ³I talk to him every day in my own words,² he said. ³When I ride the subway in the morning, I always think about him.²
Comments about this story? RKalina@liherald.com or (516) 569-4000 ext. 282.
