By: Linda Sapadin
There are times, however, that it's not so much our personalities but the
nature of the situation that plays a more significant role in determining our response. This is the case with Joan and Ilene as demonstrated in this "lake and river" analogy. Joan has always thought of herself as a calm, relaxed, upbeat person. However, in the 14 months since she's retired, she's been uptight and irritable about her financial state of affairs. Without a pension, she is dependent only on income generated from her husband's estate. She is frightened that the money will not last long enough to keep her living comfortably. Being aware of every dollar she spends has not been much help; instead, it's generated more anxiety. Joan says, "When I discover I'm spending too much, I search for a way to cut back, but can't find any -except one that makes me feel poor or isolated from my friends. Inevitably, I get depressed. To cheer me up, I spend. Not lavishly, but I do dip into my savings which then makes me even more nervous about my future." The nature of Joan's financial situation is akin to that of a lake - a body of water with little or no flow from another source. Joan's fear is that spending from the lake will dry up her assets. Her perception is sober and sane; hence, her anxiety is not so much a result of her personality but of her circumstances.Contrast Joan's situation to Ilene's. Ilene has always considered herself to be a high strung person, easily stressed by life's challenges. However, in the eight months since retirement, she's never felt so relaxed. Before retirement, she worked hard to counsel kids in an overcrowded, under funded school, with frustrating results. At age 59, Ilene had had enough. When asked about her financial future, she responded that she had no worries. Ilene remarked, "Finances are not a problem. Every month, I receive a nice pension check plus an annuity check. I'm making almost as much money as I did before I retired. This summer, I'm treating myself to a dream vacation. I don't care that I'm using money from my retirement account because I know that I have a pension for life that will sustain me."Ilene's financial situation is akin to that of a river - a stream of water that is fed by several converging tributaries. Nature provides inlets and outlets that keep the river flowing onward. Ilene's peace of mind about her finances is generated by the security her pension provides her. As you can see from the above example, our circumstances definitely influence our perspective on a situation. Yet, they are not the only factor. Our personalities always come into play. Because Joan's personality was upbeat, she was able to get out of her funk within a short period of time. She not only found part-time work to supplement her income, she also discovered free and low-cost interesting activities on the Island and had fun creating a round of pot-luck dinners at friends' homes rather than always going out to costly restaurants. The people who do best in this world are the people who do not bemoan their circumstances nor try to hide them, but do their best to improve them or live well despite them.
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice who works with individuals, couples and families. © Copyright 2003
