Learning from your regrets

But it's too late now," she laments.Rick regrets taking the easy way out. "I entered my dad's business right after college. Financially, I've got no complaints. But I have a hard time shaking off the feeling that I would have become someone special if I had had the courage to take a different path back then."Regrets like these can become a constant reminder of "what could have been." But it doesn't have to be that way. Regrets can also be an enlightening experience. Here are a few ways to learn from your regrets:1. Learn to make better decisions in the future.People often imagine that they would have done things differently if only they knew better. Yet, it's generally their emotions that are the decisive factor in their decision-making, not lack of information. Jane could still get her college degree, if she weren't afraid that the commitment would be too much for her. Yet, as she reflects on her life, that's the same reason she dropped out of school years ago. If Jane is to learn from her mistakes, she needs to be able to confront her fears and do it anyway. 2. Use regrets as a motivator to take a different action.Instead of regretting his decision to enter his father's business, Rick can motivate himself to do something different now. Perhaps, take the business in a new direction, start a second career, or blaze a creative trail in a completely different field. Ruing the day is a passive approach to life. Taking a step in a new direction is an active approach.3. Anticipate future regrets before you make major decisions.If Jane does decide to return to college, it would be good for her to anticipate what might make her regret this decision too. If her goal is to have a thriving career, she should choose an appropriate program. Simply taking the easiest program would likely lead to future regrets. 4. Use regrets to learn more about yourself and what's important to you.Rick imagines that he might have become a musician if he hadn't gone into his dad's business. But he doesn't focus on how music might play a role in his life now. Too often people assume that it's too late in life to make any changes. Not true, unless you lock yourself into a position that says it's got to be the way it should have been years ago.Many people regret decisions they've made. But only a few make those 'woulda, coulda, shouldas' work for them. Be one of those people. Use your regrets as a catalyst for change by asking yourself, "What can I learn from my regrets that will make my future better?"© Copyright 2006: Linda Sapadin, Ph.D., is a psychologist in private practice who specializes in helping individuals, families and couples overcome self-defeating patterns of behavior. She can be reached by e-mail at DrSapadin@aol.com. To read additional columns, visit www.psychwisdom.com