By Linda Sapadin
The pendulum has swung. The touchy-feely, empathizing baby-boomer president is gone. In his place is the no-nonsense, corporate, down-to-business president. Some folks are very pleased with this new state of affairs, others are terribly distraught. Though there is talk about bipartisan cooperation, I wonder how much of that will happen. It's not easy to align yourself with the "other side." I know. I work with quite a few families who are trying to do just that.
Leanne and Barry are parents of a teenage son. They have very different viewpoints on how to handle their kid.
Leanne's viewpoint: "As a teenager, I did a lot of rebelling. I experimented with stuff behind my parents' back. I went through so many different phases, so I'm not surprised that my son is doing the same thing. I'm not crazy about his music, or the way he speaks to me or that he drinks and smokes pot, but I accept those things as part of the teenage years. My husband, however, accepts nothing about him. There are terrible fights that go on in the house. He says awful things about his own son. He also thinks it's all my fault because I don't believe in punishing my son. At this age, I'm afraid punishment will drive him further away and I don't want that."
Barry's viewpoint: "Leanne is too permissive. She tries too hard at being a "cool" mom. I don't know how she tolerates the language our son uses or the fact that he gets drunk or high on weekends. If I acted anything like that when I was growing up, I'd be history. And there'd be no asking my father to justify his position. His answer would be, "Because it's my house, period." Now, I'm in a no-win position. How am I supposed to enforce the rules when Leanne lets him get away with everything. She dilutes my position. Why won't she (****italics) grow up already?"
In politics and in families, we often need to live with others whose behavior and ideas are alien to us. How can we accomplish this? Here are a few suggestions:
