By: Linda Sapadin
With a creative imagination, you can inspire yourself to reach for something better. The trick however, is in not forgetting
the reaching part. Some people would love for things to happen, yet have much difficulty moving beyond wishful thinking or flights of fantasy. For them, a better future can be very slow in arriving - if it arrives at all. When dreams are pipe dreams rather than the beginnings of a goal, the capacity to dream may actually feel more like a liability than a gift.
At age 33, Bill had a mind that never seemed to stop working. He thought of himself as an "idea man" - creative, inventive, original and clever. Yet, he never seemed to get around to putting his ideas into practice. He would linger in the idea stage, making promises about what he would do "one day," as soon as he had the time. Despite his initial enthusiasm, he had a strong aversion to applying himself on a regular and consistent basis to hard work and to the real world demands that would help make his ideas a reality. Though he lived as though he were "making it," Bill was actually in mega credit card debt and had no assets to fall back on. He had trouble admitting that he was "in trouble," since he hated to look closely at the details of his life. Needless to say, he suffered much frustration and discouragement due to the chasm between his fantasies and his real life situation.
If you find yourself relating to Bill's dreamer procrastinator syndrome, here are three ideas that might help you change your pattern.
1. Be mindful of the difference between "feeling good" and "feeling good about yourself." Feeling good about yourself as opposed to simply feeling good, is an essential ingredient of accomplishment. It may not feel good to push yourself to do paper work or to organize yourself to take the next step on a work project, but the self-confidence and self-respect that results from accomplishing such activities will make you feel deeply and enduringly good about yourself.
2. Ground your thinking by subjecting your vague fantasies and ideas to "who, what, where, why, when and how questions." If you have a great idea and think you want to run with it, ask yourself such questions as:
To whom do I need to speak to help take my idea to the next step?What is it about this idea that makes it so great?
Where would this new idea work best?
Why do I want to put time and effort into making this idea a reality?
When would I have time to work on it, so that it can become a reality?
How can I get the work done that needs to be done to make me successful?
Doing this exercise can turn the vague into the specific, the imaginative into the truthful, the passive into the active and the romantic into the realistic.
3. Listen more closely to the way you talk about your future. If your language is peppered with such phrases as "I'll try to," "I wish I could," "I don't know how to," or "I'll do it someday when I get around to it," be aware that you're using vague, passive language that will sabotage your dreams. Scratch that kind of language. Get into the habit of stating what you
will do - clearly, concisely and directly so that there's no room for dreamlike confusion. Of course it's hard to change your speaking patterns, but if you do, it will indicate that you're also changing your ways of thinking and acting. Becoming more focused, more specific, and clearer about what you will do, and how and when you will do it, will help you make those dreams a reality.
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist who works with individuals, families and couples. Copyright © 2003
