By: Linda Sapadin
It's a lot easier to maintain the status quo than to implement change, for habits and personalities are difficult to alter. Noshers like to nosh; loafers do tasks only when they get around to it; impatient folks lose their temper when things don't work out the way they expect them to. So what's a person to do - give up on New Year's resolutions all together or disappoint yourself one more time?Neither! Your best solution is to think about resolutions differently.Instead of making a host of resolutions to make yourself into a "better" person, just settle in on one thing that you would like to accomplish. If the resolution is a small one, like putting those vacation photos in the album, set a time aside to do it. When it's accomplished, congratulate yourself. Think of this as a "just do it" change. If you can accomplish several small things that have been nagging you, you will feel a lot more pleased with yourself than if you keep telling yourself "I should," but then don't.Perhaps, however, your resolution is a big one that requires change over a period of time. Shedding weight, being more physically active or becoming more patient are resolutions that fall into this category. Although these changes are harder to accomplish than a "just do it" resolution, you can still be successful if:1. You focus on one goal at a time. 2. You make that goal realistic, not idealistic. 3. You figure out how to accomplish your goal. 4. You give yourself a reasonable period of time to meet your goal. Here's how Carla, following the program above, was successful in meeting her New Year's resolution of losing 10 pounds.1. First, Carla had to get down to one goal. Initially, she had six. She wanted to lose 30 pounds, exercise three times weekly, be more patient with her kids, be more organized, stop being so afraid and learn to count her blessings. I worked with her to choose only one of those goals. She chose losing weight because she thought it would help her start feeling good about herself which could jump start other changes. 2. Second, Carla needed to get realistic, not idealistic. Ten pounds is a much more realistic goal than 30. Most people feel discouraged and give up when goals are too long-term. After Carla lost 10 pounds, she could always set a new goal of losing another 10 pounds. 3. Third, Carla needed to discover a weight-loss program that worked for her. Fiercely independent, she did not see herself as joining any formal program or sticking to any formal diet. What she did do, however, was to look honestly at her eating patterns. What she discovered was that coffee triggered a need for cookies; watching TV stimulated a desire for snacks; a full plate sparked an impulse to finish her portion, and anxiety created a need for comfort food. Now aware of these red flag situations, she made some substitutions. These types of changes, she discovered, were not as difficult as she had initially thought. 4. Originally, Carla gave herself five weeks to lose the 10 pounds. Two pounds a week seemed realistic. But Carla, not being a machine, forgot about the days she relapsed, the holidays she wanted to celebrate in style, and a body that seemed to have its own rationale. Realizing this, she changed her goal to 10 pounds in 10 weeks. And 10 weeks later, she was delighted that she had kept her New Year's resolution. Now back to you. How about taking the time this week to make one New Year's resolution. Then see if you can follow my game plan to actually make it happen!
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice who works with individuals, families and couples. © Copyright 2002
