By: Linda Sapadin
These statistics that are reported by the government, however, generally have little relevance to most people's feelings of well-being. Indeed, the idea of a measure of a sense of well-being may seem strange. It's hard to quantify. It's abstract, personal, shifting - like the mood of a day. So, as a society, we go on about our business, paying little attention to how happy, contented or comfortable individual people or segments of our society are, until one day we hear about some behavior or read something that makes us question that complacency. A quiet, shy teenager who seems to have everything to live for commits suicide. A family man quits his high-powered job because he can no longer tolerate the daily commute. A group of overworked doctors refuse to take on any new patients. Parents feel exhausted after spending evening after evening fighting with their kids over homework, school projects and impending grades. As individuals, we are influenced by what the larger society values and believes. If your kid is shy but getting good grades, well, we think he'll probably outgrow his shyness. If you are making good money but your commute has doubled, you tell yourself you'll get used to it. If you can't find a doctor whom you like or who doesn't keep you waiting for at least an hour, well, that's just the nature of medicine today. If you are in a constant hassle with your kids about their grades and their homework, keep the pressure on - there's nothing as important as education in this world today. Our reward for more wealth and more education is generally more pressures, more hassles, more responsibilities. We may accept this is an okay trade-off - until, one day, we know we've simply had enough. Our lives are no longer working the way we would like them to. So, as this year draws to a close, do not look back on the traditional measures of your worth (your net worth, your weight, your exercise program). Instead, create a personal measure of your well-being. Be kind and gentle with yourself as you do this. If this year has been particularly difficult for you, consider how you are faring under the circumstances? What is the state of your inner life? Give yourself credit for those days that you found joy in a friend's smile or watching a sunset. Be empathetic with yourself for those days when the pain and despair haunted you and you couldn't imagine a day in which you would feel better. If this year has been a good one for you, do not simply look at the obvious - you got a better job; you moved to a new home; you met your soul-mate. Instead, review your own personal measure of your well-being. Appreciate what has happened to your inner life as good things have entered your outer life. Give yourself credit for feeling good about yourself and also for becoming a more agreeable, open, creative, and spiritual person. And on those days when you may doubt your continued success or worry that these wonderful days may end soon, be kind and gentle with yourself for these fears reside within us all. As this year draws to a close, I hope you are giving yourself credit for your sense of well-being, regardless of whether this was one of the better years of your life or one of the worst years. In life, your pride should relate not to how much money you have or how much success you've achieved, but to how resilient you are and how much staying power you've had, considering all that you have had to endure.
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice who works with individuals, couples and families. Copyright © 2003
