By: Cris Italia
His eyes are tired, his lips are pursed, and with each second that passes, he fidgets with his hands. He's clearly uncomfortable. This is the first time he has voluntarily told someone about his sickness, his pedophilia.
"I have thought about suicide," said Scott, a former Holbrook resident who, along with his therapist, has requested anonymity, though their names have not been changed. "I think after this long period of time, I have actually seen where I have an illness. It is getting uncontrollable, to the point where I can't put up with it anymore."
Scott is a convicted pedophile now living on Long Island after serving five years of a seven-year prison sentence for sexually abusing a 12-year-old girl. His therapist has extensive experience in pedophilia. "I wouldn't call myself an expert," said Dr. Pranzone. "I've just handled a few more of these cases than most people in my profession."
Pranzone says that while treating these patients, he has received numerous death threats. "People think just because I treat them, that I condone what they have done," he said. "The truth is, I won't treat a patient who does not show remorse for what they have done, and they have served a penalty. These are people trying to rehabilitate themselves, and as long as they are around us, I want to help make sure they don't do this again."
Scott came to him just a few months ago, referred by a parole officer. He admits only to the one incident for which he was charged and sentenced; when asked whether he has abused other children, he is given the option not to answer. Instead he offers only the beginning, when and how his urges first surfaced.
"I was a teenager when I started feeling this way," Scott said. "I guess when I was about 15 or 16 I was sort of a loner. I didn't have many friends and I was sort of an outcast. I was picked on, made fun of, and while I had a loving family, they never really took me seriously. I'm not blaming them, though. This has always been my problem."
In his teen years he would befriend younger children in his neighborhood, playing with 12- and 13-year-olds, sometimes those even younger. "I guess it gave me a sense of security," Scott said. "They respected me, they were friends, and I could rely on them."
Scott graduated from college, went on to become a successful engineer, and eventually married and had three children. But his sexual attraction to children never went away. In fact, those urges grew stronger, to the point where he would think of ways to meet with children. They were plans he said he never went through with -- until the Internet.
The Internet explosion made it easy for Scott to find child pornography and discover that there were many others just like him. Pedophiles were easy to find on the Internet. They discussed their experiences, and Scott learned from others how easy it was to lure a child through chat rooms and instant messaging. "I just asked questions," he said. "At first I was just curious."
He spent hours on the Internet, downloading child pornography and trading pictures with other pedophiles. "They would show me pictures of children they were having sex with," Scott said. "Some of the pictures were of the actual act of sex, and I was jealous."
The endless hours Scott spent in his basement, secretly surfing the Internet for prey, made his family suspicious. When he was asked why he was spending so much time online, he would say it was research for work, for a new project he was working on.
The inquiries made him nervous, so he took his deception to the next level. "I would tell my wife I was going on weekend business trips," he explained. "What I was really doing was going to a motel somewhere to get online. There I thought I could be alone and not have to be careful about hiding anything from my family."
At one point he came across a 12-year-old from Long Island. She was the only child of a single parent, a latchkey kid, Scott said. She would come home every day after school, two hours before her mother got home. Scott said that according to pedophiles on the Internet, she was the perfect target. They met in a teen chat room, and Scott aggressively pursued a friendship with her.
"I thought that I was just going to be a friend, as I was to those younger than me when I was a teenager," he said. "But when I met her I fell in love with her."
After months of chatting online, the two began talking on the phone. Scott never lied about who he was. She knew he was older, but he says he told her it was OK to talk to someone older; how else would she be able to get advice? She took comfort in him. She discussed disputes she had with her mother, and she confided in him about everything.
Eventually they met at a library. Scott picked her up from school and spent hours with her. She told her mother that she was at the library and would be home later. "Eventually we did everything together, everything we could do except for sex," Scott said.
The love they shared was mutual, Scott says, but when he broached the subject of sex, she was nervous and refused. "I remember just being really upset with her, and she was upset because I started to ignore her," he said. "I think after a while she just wanted to make me happy, and we started to experiment."
Sexual activity would occur each time they saw each other. The girl submitted each time, she would later state, so Scott wouldn't get mad at her. It got to the point where the sex became more and more forced, but by then, Scott says, he didn't know the difference anymore.
The girl was too scared to tell anyone what was happening almost three times a week. But one day at a parent-teacher conference, a teacher said she expected to see the girl's father, since he was picking her up from school most days. The girl's mother was shocked and forced a confession from her daughter.
Eventually Scott was arrested and humiliated in front of his own family. He had two daughters and a son at the time of his arrest, all under age 12. He agreed to a plea deal from the district attorney's office, but still lost everything.
"My family moved to the Midwest after my conviction," Scott said. "My kids don't want to talk to me, and my ex-wife sends me pictures and letters keeping me up to date on their growth and accomplishments."
Looking at those pictures, he was asked, has he ever felt sexual desire for his daughters? "I would never do that," Scott said, clearly irritated with the question. "I hold them above all. I always tried to be a good father to them, gave them everything they needed."
The time in jail took a toll on him. In prison, Scott says, a pedophile is not accepted among inmates. He found himself being picked on and made fun of. "I was labeled a 'skinner' -- that's what they call pedophiles in prison," Scott said. "I can't even tell you the amount of times I was abused."
While some view his time in jail as justice and the abuse as payback, Dr. Pranzone says incarceration might be worse for a pedophile. "There is nothing about being in prison that can change the nature of a pedophile's sexual orientation," the doctor said. "Or even make him better able to resist his urges. But because of the similar atmosphere, it might re-enforce his urges all over again."
Now over 40, Scott finds it hard to cope. He says he has nightmares every night. Waking up in a cold sweat, he talks himself back to sleep instead of logging on and looking for prey. "I don't even own a computer anymore -- I'm afraid of what I might do," he said. "All I know is that I want to get better, and I don't feel comfortable around children.
"I get urges all the time," he continued. "Now that I've limited my access to children, and with constant therapy, I hope I can reduce the urges, but sometimes it's uncontrollable."
Though he denied any such feelings toward his children, Scott says he will only attempt to contact them if and when he feels rehabilitated. Even then, he says, he will find it hard to look his children in the eyes and apologize.
As for his victim, she is now over 18 and trying desperately to move on with her life. Scott has written to her family, offering apologies and asking for forgiveness. He says he has never received a response.
****SIDEBAR *******
No cure for pedophiles
Without getting to the root, problem will persist
Pull Quote: 'In all likelihood, the pedophile has known he is attracted to children for years before he even chooses a career path.' -- Dr. Pranzone
by Cris Italia
The way the medical profession sees it, there is no cure for pedophilia. There is no cure because a pedophile's psychological roots are nearly impossible to find, let alone study. In an interview, one doctor who has a list of patients that includes several child abusers says it will be a long time a cure can be found.
"We don't know what role biology plays in making a pedophile the way he/she is," said Dr. Pranzone, who has had a practice on Long Island for more than 20 years but declined to be identified further. "In all likelihood the pedophile has known he is attracted to children for years before he even chooses a career path. We are looking at an average age of 10."
What Pranzone does know is that pedophiles look for loners. They are easier prey since they're less likely to tell others about what they do. "What [pedophiles] do is pose as much-needed friends," Pranzone said. "They look for kids having problems at home, kids that are looking for the sympathetic ear. The pedophile then wins the child over by further separating the child from their family, complaining about parents in general."
There are two types of pedophiles. A "regressed" pedophile is attracted to both children and adults. He usually becomes involved with children in the absence of a satisfying adult relationship. A "fixated" pedophile, in contrast, has no attraction to adults, and it becomes difficult for him to resist his attraction to children.
"All pedophiles go where there is plentiful prey," Pranzone said. "That's why the Internet has become such a popular place. They like what they do, they do it because they want to, and they will continue to do it until they are incapacitated."
Pranzone did note that pedophilia is ultimately a voluntary choice. "Pedophilia is an affliction that people discover often in horror," he said. "There is not much more we can say."
The problem, Pranzone says, lies in research. Finding future pedophiles would mean asking children about their sexuality. "That's the problem plaguing researchers," he said. "The problem lies in the questions they need to ask. That's something many people find unacceptable."
If researchers so much as mention to parents the possibility of asking their children sexually oriented questions, the researchers themselves run the risk of being labeled pedophiles, Pranzone explains. "There is just no way you can get permission to question adolescents," he said.
Illustrating yet another problem, Pranzone says that on several occasions he has been threatened for merely treating pedophiles who have served time in prison. "The simple fact is we are prohibited from studying the problem that contributes to the problem," he said.
