Mindfulness

"I feel like I'm no longer in control of my mind," she said. "My mind is either racing, forgetting or filled with doubts. And that's not all. I'm frequently distracted, always upset about something and disappointed quite a bit."Nina remembers 10 B.C. (before children) years ago, when life was simpler and she was calmer. Ever since she became a mom, she's lost the ability to relax and has no idea how to regain it. A friend suggested meditation, a form of relaxation where you empty your mind by focusing your attention on only one thing, often a sound that is repeated until you achieve a state of "mindLESSness." "Are you kidding?" replied Nina. "I don't have a minute that my mind isn't thinking of something. No way am I ever going to let go of all the thoughts in my head."I agreed with Nina. There was no way that she was going to unwind like a guru on a mountain top. Hence, I suggested a different type of relaxation, called "mindFULness." With this type of relaxation, rather than emptying your mind, you aspire to take hold of your mind, becoming more attentive to each moment, more in touch with what's happening - but here's the catch. No judging! You observe but you do not evaluate. You're aware of your experience, but you do not get caught up in it. You watch yourself react but you don't judge your reaction. And if perchance you do judge yourself (after all, you're only human), you don't judge the judging. You simply accept that that's what you did.Mindfulness can be a difficult concept to grasp. Here are two examples that I hope will make it clearer.1. Nina used to graze, rather than eat. When upset or worried, she would stuff herself with food and be on to the next activity before she knew it.When Nina became mindful of what she ate, she would take the time to sit down and eat, savor the flavor and appreciate the experience. 2. Nina was so busy with driving her kids to activities that she felt like a chauffeur. Get them in the car on time with all their stuff, drop them where they belong, then pick them up two hours later. For her, it was an exhausting, annoying activity.When Nina became mindful of what she was doing, she no longer lamented the driving. Instead, she experienced it as "conversation time" or "song time." She would "eavesdrop" on her kids' conversation or chat about something that had nothing to do with school or put on a CD and have a song fest. With more awareness and less rushing, driving became a time to relax and get to know her kids better. What activity do you think you can change from a harried experience to a mindful one? Don't answer too quickly. This isn't a test. Take your time, relax and just think about it.© Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice who works with individuals, families and couples.