By Jerry Burke
Well, the pope has been buried and Terri Schiavo is at peace. So as our country slowly descends back to normalcy (or as close of an approximation as the news media allows), it's time to take stock of what's been happening in the last few weeks in this little place I like to call reality.
How about those gas prices, eh? Sure, the story has the two standard caveats: one, adjusted for inflation, the price still isn't as high as it was in late 1970s and early '80s, and two, it's a lot more expensive in Europe. Of course, your income, also adjusted for inflation, ain't exactly offsetting the difference, and in Europe they get free health care with the help of their extreme petrol tax. I'll let you do the math on that one and figure out who's getting the better deal.
Despite having "earned" a master's degree in business from Harvard, one person who really shouldn't be allowed to do any math whatsoever is President Bush. His cross-country tour of Social Security reform has not only convinced more people that it's complete balderdash, but is closed off to people who don't sign a pledge of support prior to entry and is costing taxpayers wads of money in the process.
The debate over Social Security reform, here in the land of reality, officially ended last Thursday when Bush uttered the following words: "There is no trust fund -- just IOUs that I saw first-hand. Imagine, the retirement security for future generations is sitting in a filing cabinet."
Yes, imagine! Imagine you're living in a country that has never faulted on a debt because, oh my goodness, it's not allowed to! Constitution. Amendment 14. Section 4. "The validity of the public debt of the United States, authorized by law, including debts incurred for payment of pensions and bounties for services in suppressing insurrection or rebellion, shall not be questioned."
"See, what's interesting is a lot of people believe that the Social Security trust is -- the government takes a person's money, invests it, and then pays it back to them upon retirement," the president continued. "It doesn't work that way." Nope, it sure don't. That money the government takes pays off previous debt, like, um, the Social Security checks your grandmother uses to buy those awful pre-made Jell-O parfaits. And a lot of other things, which, if you have a balanced budget, works out pretty well.
If you have a balanced budget. Which we don't. 'Cause someone put Fredo in charge. ("I can handle things! I'm smart!")
But, hey, cheer up folks! Sure, the approval ratings for the president and Congress are falling faster than Tara Reid on Ladies' Night, but at least they've found their scapegoat! So while House Majority Leader Tom DeLay is finally roasted by charges now almost eight years old, remember: Reality may really stink, but what goes around does, almost always, come around.
Good luck with those taxes, and here's hoping cooler heads prevail as our country moves deeper and deeper into debt -- and that the rest of our lobby-controlled leaders meet the same fate for pork-barreling our wallets to death.
