By Jerry Burke
At this moment, I'm trying to figure out when it all changed.
I'm searching through my admittedly spotty long-term memory (thank you, Jack Daniels) in an attempt to pinpoint when, exactly, the American people got passed over as the main beneficiary in the contract known as the Constitution. You know, we the people and all that stuff.
I'm trying my darnedest to recall when corporations and financial institutions became the primary recipient of protection against the scourge of reality, while the average Joe became nothing more than a consumer with a number next to his name.
While I ponder such matters, allow me to introduce Exhibit A in the case of the People vs. Sheer Insanity: the soon-to-be-passed bankruptcy reform bill.
For those of you who have yet to hear about this wonderful piece of legislation, allow me to sum it up in the words of those in Congress supporting it: barraged by an increasing number of greedy individuals who abuse this country's bankruptcy protection laws, your elected officials are seeking to protect corporations -- credit-card companies in particular -- and force scumbags who spend without accountability to be responsible for considerably more of the debt they accumulate before filing for Chapter 7 protection.
For those of you who are tired of being lectured about financial responsibility by white men in $1,000 suits who've never personally felt the sting of fiscal want while they see fit to send your country into an endless ocean of red without any plan to balance the budget, join me for a swim in the sea of sarcasm.
You see, we live in a world where companies are cutting back health care benefits to help their bottom lines. And in a completely unrelated turn of events, nearly half of all individuals cite medical bills as a reason for their bankruptcy filings. Go figure.
But what happens when a corporation files for bankruptcy? Pension funds magically disappear! Having trouble staying afloat, mismanaged savings and loans? Here's a few billion for a bailout! What's that you say, grossly outdated big airlines? You're about to go under? Well, heck, fire half your employees and we'll float you a few hundred million until you're back on your feet.
Oh, and rich people, don't you fret. Our new bankruptcy reform has a delightful little loophole which allows you to abuse, er, I mean, protect yourself from creditors before filing as long as you set up a so-called asset protection trust in one of five states (you need not live there -- just open your account in one of their fine institutions).
But wait, you say! Can't Average Joe open up one of these limitless accounts? You bet he can! If only he weren't working three jobs to avoid bankruptcy like the plague and could afford an attorney to set up one of these lovely little shelters.
Oh, and vets, have we got some good news for you! To thank you for risking your lives overseas in the name of democracy while your families back home suffered financially from your absences, Congress last week shot down Sen. Evan Bayh's (D-Indiana) amendment that would, heaven forbid, have exempted service members from some of the tighter bankruptcy restrictions, focusing specifically on home ownership.
But don't you worry! Here in the good ol' U.S. of A., veterans account for nearly one third of all homeless men! So when the bank finally kicks your butt out into the street, there will be plenty of colleagues for you to swap war stories with!
Let's make a deal, America. How about holding our brain trust of a Congress and the "compassionately conservative" Bush administration accountable for the mounting debt they've racked up in our name before clamping down on the poor souls on the brink who, unlike credit card companies and commercial banks, haven't been able to afford to contribute some $100 million to political candidates since 1999.
