by Jerry Burke
These moments of increased learning become much more rare as the years go on, either due to age or repeated viewings of the Fox sin-sation "Paradise Hotel," which is the first program during which I have ever smelled my own brain frying from lack of oxygen. This does remind me, however, that my own Fox series, "Whores," comes out in August. It took me a good 15 minutes to write, so please tune in.
Anyway, despite (or, perhaps, because of) the summer heat and my increased dependence on Day-Quill, this week has opened my eyes to a litany of ideas big and small. Since I possess the long-term memory of Donald Rumsfeld, I've decided to write them down in hopes of ... of ... ah, crud, I forgot already.
First, affirmative action is OK if you're Clarence Thomas (a pale "replacement" for the wisdom of Thurgood Marshall) or George W. Bush (how many deserving white children did he keep out of Yale and Harvard?). Kudos to Sandra Day O'Connor, however, for challenging the nation to a 25-year deadline after which we won't need it any more.
Here in New York, freedom of speech protects off-duty public servants who mock the people they are sworn to protect. My congrats to Joseph Locurto, Jonathan Walters and Robert Steiner on proving that ignorance, stupidity and blind hatred are excusable offenses, ones that I will remind my arresting officer of next time I try to enter my "Amish Suck" float in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.
Over in Iraq, it appears that the beginning stages of a nuclear program looks remarkably like my Home Depot shopping list. Insert your own "grasping-for-straws" joke here, and my sincere condolences to the families of the 56 soldiers killed since the war ended.
From the great state of South Carolina, I learned that Strom Thurmond was technically classified as "alive" until last Wednesday. A strange man with whom I almost never agreed, but a fascinating guy whose career mirrored our nation's politics over the past 70 years.
Finally, from Texas, two things, because the state is so darn big. If, while driving, I ever hit a homeless man who then gets stuck in my windshield, calling the police or an ambulance might just be my first course of action.
Second, if you are gay and a Texan, you are now allowed to be yourself. Hard to believe it took us until 2003 to make that the truth. And for all the Bible-thumpers outside the Supreme Court talking about the death of morality, I wish you would focus a little more on the "love your neighbor" aspects of the New Testament.
Lastly, I learned that Liz McBreen, reporter for your Herald newspaper, will be moving on to bigger and better things after this week. Liz has been an indispensable asset to this paper and will be sorely missed. Thank you, Liz, and keep the faith.
