Person to Person

After all is said and done, I'm still firmly convinced that most of us function pretty well. Despite the problems we have. Despite the mistakes we make. Despite the angst we feel. We may bend, but we do not break. We go berserk, but we recover. We're neurotic, but we get beyond it.In fact, most of us are more resilient than we think. We suffer an awful trauma, yet bounce back more quickly than we would have imagined. We shudder with each new terror alert, yet despite our trepidation, we go about our business. We cope with these new realities. We weather each new storm. We deal with the stuff that needs to be dealt with. We don't always cope right away, or graciously or easily. But we do it. Kudos to us!Perhaps you don't see these ideas as relating to you. You may be more cognizant of how you mess up, but have little awareness of how well you adapt to life's challenges. You may fixate on your weaknesses, while you ignore your strengths. You may be hesitant to give yourself credit for coping. You may believe that a gold star is deserved only if you have faced the difficulty effortlessly. Well, think again. I can guarantee that you will not be able to breeze through a crisis. Nor should you. You will not arrive at adulthood and have it all together. Nor will you reach maturity and be home free. Your insecurities will still surface. Your Achilles heel will still make you vulnerable. Your emotions will still get the best of you. Nevertheless, you will have coped with the daily challenges of life, meeting your responsibilities, doing what needs to be done.One reason why you may think of yourself as not "having your act together" is because you probably have an illusion about how other people function. Not privy to their struggles, you judge them only by what you see on the outside. From the outside, it may look like others make decisions easily, keep their emotions under wraps and know what to say and what to do. They are blessed. Those people's lives look so beautiful, so seamless, so flawless. Yours can only pale by comparison.Yet, your assessment, at this one point in time, may be way off course. Behind closed doors, you didn't witness the argument that took place when someone hadn't taken care of this or that. You didn't observe the emotional turmoil that she felt before she reached her decision. You didn't know about the drink he needed to take to calm his nerves. So, the next time you feel frightened or overwhelmed, remember this: You have enough strength to surmount a crisis. You have enough resilience to survive a tragedy. You have enough courage to deal with the unforeseen. You can cope. You will cope. And chances are, you won't do it with grace or with ease. Which is good, for why should you be any different from the rest of us?P.S. For those of you who had any lingering doubts about my "gotta go", "one sentence therapy" column from last week, it was a spoof!Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice and author of Master Your Fears: How to Triumph Over Your Worries and Get On With Your Life. She specializes in helping individuals, families and couples overcome self-defeating patterns. She invites you to visit her website at http://www.psychwisdom.com/ Copyright © 2004