You would think that a simple question or statement deserves a simple response. However, too often, the response that one receives is far from simple. Why? Because powerful thoughts occur in the split second between stimulus and response. Here are a few examples: He says: Do you know where a flashlight is? She's thinking: It's not my job to find everything in this house or service your every need. Find it yourself! She says: You never put anything away and then you expect me to find it. How am I supposed to know? She says: There's nothing on TV. Turn it off and let's talk. He's thinking: There she goes again - always trying to control me. He says: I work hard all week. Why does it bother you if I watch a little TV? She says: Drive carefully. It's raining outside. He's thinking: She thinks I'm a complete idiot. She doesn't trust me at all. He says: Ma, get off my back! Communication is complex and two-sided. It's not so much what you say that counts. It's how the other person interprets what you say. And then, how you interpret what he says. And then, how he interprets what you say - etc., etc., etc. If you are feeling confused about why a simple statement can create so much ill will, ask yourself the following questions:
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What did I really mean by my statement?
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How do I think the other person interpreted my statement or question?
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Is this communication setting off or heightening an existing conflict?
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If so, am I trying to be topdog?
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How am I contributing to the tension that's in the air?
