In last week's column, I described the characteristics of the narcissistic personality. As you probably concluded, it's difficult to have an association with such a person without feeling exploited. So, to survive such a relationship, you must learn strategies to protect yourself. Here are some recommendations:Be clear in your own mind what your limits are. Then clearly state and enforce those limits. Here are five areas that generally need to be addressed:
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Time (Don't be at his beck and call to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants it.)
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Money (Your money is not his money. Be clear as to what you're willing to pay for and what you're not willing to pay for.)
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Possessions (Be specific about what possessions you will share, if any, and what you won't share.)
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Conversations (Interrupt endless talk about the minutiae of the narcissist's life. Either end the conversation or segue into a topic that is of interest to both of you.)
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Responsibilities (Be clear as to what responsibilities are his and what are yours. Do not pick up his responsibilities if he "forgets" or "has no time" to do them.)Clarify the consequences for disrespecting boundaries or going over the limits. You may feel like you're interacting with a child when you do this, but since the narcissist doesn't reflect on how his actions affect you, he is, in many ways, behaving and thinking like a young child.Stay the course. Refuse to be blackmailed by his temper tantrums, his threats, his name calling or his "I hate you." Do not let yourself be manipulated into rescuing him from the consequences of his own narcissistic behavior.If he tells you you're the greatest, take it with a grain of salt. Today, you are the object of his affection; tomorrow, it's just as likely you will be the cause of all his woes.If you believe he's acting inappropriately, say so. If you believe his expectations are out of line, say so. You must maintain a reasonable perspective on a problem or predicament, as he cannot be counted on to do so.Narcissistic personalities abound in our society today, reinforced by narcissistic messages such as, "You deserve the best," "Have it your way" and "You only live life once." If you're involved with a narcissist, you must not lose yourself and get sucked into his or her way of thinking. If you do, you will find yourself in an ongoing, debilitating struggle to just survive.
