Real or not real?

Is Tiger's apology real or not real? Only time will tell. There's no question, however, that it's heads and shoulders above Mark Sanford's, John Edwards' and Eliot Spitzer's. Here's why.

Tiger entered the public arena without a roar. Indeed, his demeanor was humble, subdued and serious. Though only his "behavior over time" will let us know who the real Tiger is, here's what's authentic about his

apology:

n He openly took responsibility for what he did. There was no soft-pedaling of his apology with an "If I offended anyone, I'm sorry."

n He clearly stated his transgressions: "I had affairs. I was unfaithful. I cheated." There was no glossing over his misdeeds by saying, "mistakes were made."

n He expressed remorse by using the word people long to hear when an apology is called for: "I'm sorry." He didn't toss off the word casually. It sounded genuine as he stated that he was "truly sorry" and "deeply sorry" for what he had done and the people he had hurt.

n He explained "why" he did what he did with a galling but authentic answer, "I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to. I felt that I had worked hard my entire life and deserved to enjoy all the temptations around me. I felt I was entitled." Though we may wish for a psychiatric diagnosis to explain 'what's wrong with him', this may be as honest an answer as we will ever get. Oh, if only every cheating spouse and drug-using teen responded with such simple honesty.

n He acknowledged the pain that he caused others and directly apologized to them – not only his immediate family but also to those who looked up to him.

n He didn't tell anybody why or how they should forgive him but hoped that someday – when "they" are ready, forgiveness will ensue.

n He referenced what he has been doing and what he will continue to do to atone for his behavior. It appeared (though it remains to be seen whether this is true) as though the therapy he's receiving is raising his consciousness, making him more aware, more sensitive, and more cognizant of the effects of his behavior on others.

Though talking heads are now having a field day with Tiger's apology – claiming it "comes up short" or "is too well scripted to be genuine," from this psychologist's perspective, he did well. An authentic apology, along with a subsequent change in behavior, goes a long way toward healing wounds – in public life as well as in family life.

Copyright 2010

Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist and success coach in private practice who specializes in helping people enrich their lives, enhance their relationships and overcome self-defeating patterns of behavior. For more information about her work, contact her at lsapadin@

drsapadin.com or visit her website at http://www.psychwisdom.com/. And for valuable information on how to kick your procrastination habit, visit her new website at http://www.BeatProcrastinationCoach.com