By: Linda Sepadin
Yet, in this neck-to-neck race, it's a distinct possibility that I will go to bed Tuesday evening feeling disappointed, disheartened, worried and frustrated.But as bad as I might feel, one thing I know is: I will bend, but I won't break. I will be distressed, but I won't be destroyed. If sometimes I feel despair, it will pass quickly. Of course, this isn't a personal tragedy, though at the time it might feel like one to me. I am simply using this example to illustrate the nature and importance of resilience. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from distressful, even traumatic events. It doesn't mean that you don't have difficulty or pain. It doesn't mean that you don't feel mad, sad or scared. It does mean, however, that no matter what you are feeling or whatever the ordeal is, it will be ultimately surmountable. The Kennedys were famous for being resilient. So was Christopher Reeve. So are most 9/11 families. But they are not unique. Most of us actually do a first-rate job recovering from some pretty horrendous experiences.It's good to know, however, what you can do to help the process along. Hence, whether it's post-election blues or a more personal disaster, here are some guidelines for building resilience.1. Seek out good role models. Surround yourself with people who are caring, kind and supportive to you. Though there is a time to be alone, don't isolate yourself. Share your concerns and feelings with those who will listen with understanding. Avoid gloom and doom people.2. Normalize your life as soon as you feel up to it. We feel safer when our lives are predictable. Returning to your daily activities (though not necessarily all of them) is important. It is a sign that you are reclaiming your life. You are renewing your interest in people and pursuits. You are taking care of yourself. 3. Monitor your exposure to the media. It makes it harder to bounce back to normal if what you see on TV and what you read in the paper is throwing gasoline on the fire. Do not let the media enter your home uninvited. You may let it visit from time to time. But if you are feeling vulnerable, don't allow it to move in as a permanent guest.4. Do what you can to make yourself feel empowered. Often this takes the form of collecting money for a cause, writing letters, keeping a journal, praying, working or volunteering for an organization. These activities can help you maintain a hopeful outlook.5. Look for opportunities for self-discovery. People often learn something about themselves (and others) as a result of a defeat or tragedy. Out of terrible times, people have reported developing a greater sense of self-worth, a more developed spirituality, more loving relationships and a heightened appreciation for life.Resilience is an indispensable skill. Sooner or later, life will burst your bubble. It will clobber you with unexpected blows. At these times, it is essential that you have the skills you need so that you will bend, but not break.
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice and author of Master Your Fears: How to Triumph Over Your Worries and Get On With Your Life. She specializes in helping individuals, families and couples overcome self-defeating patterns of behavior. She invites you to visit her website at www.psychwisdom.com. © Copyright 2004
