By: Linda Sapadin
The church sex scandals did not affect me directly. The suicide bombers did not affect me directly. Yet, it all feels too much for me. I feel weepy and exhausted and walk around with a heavy heart."I asked Deanna to close her eyes, relax her breathing and remember a time when she didn't have such a heavy heart. Though Deanna went along with my request, she could only relax for about a minute. After she opened her eyes, she said, "I had a fleeting image of myself at a family picnic. I was about eight years old, enjoying myself playing tag, roasting marshmallows and feeling very much alive. But as quickly as the image came, it left. I could only think of my life now, and how hard it is for me to feel the joy and freedom I used to feel as a kid."I coaxed Deanna to stay with her imagery, but she couldn't. She described it as an "oh there it is, now it's gone" moment. Play was a luxury, she thought, now that such serious events were taking place in the world. It seemed inappropriate to feel joy when so many people were suffering so much pain. Her playful spirit had been transformed into a serious and somber spirit that made free and easy feelings seem like a distant memory. After we spoke for awhile, Deanna realized that her playful spirit had not been totally crushed. It was still alive but lay deep within her, waiting to be revived. Her basic nature, she remembered, was to be playful, cheerful and carefree. Could she regain that spirit once more? That soon became her mission. Here's what she did to make her mission become a reality. First, she gave her spirit a VOICE. "I am alive," she shouted (when she was by herself, so that her family wouldn't think she was nuts). To her husband she said, "I am passionate about sunsets and I adore delicate pink roses with buds that are just about to open." To her daughter she said, "When you grow up, make sure you play every day of your life." Her daughter rolled her eyes. Deanna said, "someday you'll understand."Second, she gave her spirit a PATH. Deanna chose the path of "becoming." Becoming what, friends inquired. "Just becoming," she answered softly. "Becoming is much better than stagnating. As long as I'm living, I want to feel like I'm becoming. Exactly what, time will tell."Third, she gave her spirit NOURISHMENT. She nourished herself in many ways - with art museums, books, music and friends. Some nourishment was calming, some was arousing. Each fed her spirit in a unique way.
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice who works with individuals, families and couples ©Copyright 2002
