By:Robert Remler
Predicting who wins a pennant race is easier than knowing how many May-to- September relationships will form on Long Island this summer.
The combination of warmth, vacations and less cumbersome clothing is known to
escalate social priorities during late spring and summer. Warmer weather also brings a reduction in normal school and work schedules, which increases opportunities to form relationships, according to the director of psychiatry at Mercy Medical Center.
Conducive factors for entering a relationship should not negate knowing several telltale signs if a person is a good match for you.
Dr. Patrick Carone, director of psychiatry at Mercy in Rockville Centre, knows that finding a suitable match is not a perfect science. "If people were better at recognizing who is and isn't right, we would not have a 60-percent divorce rate," Carone said. "Making mistakes is okay. Failing to admit or learn from mistakes is not okay." People learn "much more on a second date than on a first."
Conversation is one key in learning if you have found a good match. Carone believes that how the message is delivered is almost as important as what is said. He offered a simple rule to follow when meeting someone for the first time: "Pay attention to what is said, how it is said and how it makes you feel."
Knowing where to meet someone still requires using common sense, especially with the proliferation of online personal advertisements, along with chat rooms. The best venues for meeting people are with groups of mutual friends and populated public places, Carone said. "Places where help is readily available if a problem comes up." Telephone conversations prior to meeting is a good idea when the opportunity presents itself, he said.
Etiquette for meeting someone for the first time begins with doing what is natural. "Don't try to be someone or something you aren't," Carone said. "Tell the truth, be open and honest but don't reveal too much." Acting naturally includes just doing and saying what you normally would. "Don't be too concerned about your nerves."
Discovering if the person you have just met is sincere comes through listening and observing. "There are no simple formulas," Carone said. "Gut feelings do matter. Common sense and caution are always in fashion." He advises to be cautious about those who lie or speak in contradictions, but such characteristics might not be observed or realized at a first encounter. "Anything that is said or done that makes you uncomfortable should make you more cautious."
Mollie Helig, 27, of Atlantic Beach believes that summer is a good time for starting a relationship. "Summer is great," Helig said, "because you're outside much of the time." Just being outside enhances a relationship for Helig. "Ideally, I like to take long walks on the beach," she said.
Sherry Amatenstein, who writes the online column "Dating Doyenne," (www.ivillage.com/relationships/html) knows humor helps when a date fails to meet expectations. Tell yourself 'this will not change the course of my life. It is no big deal.'"
But, the best advice for a May-to-September relationship, or any other, might
come from a Smokey Robinson song: "My momma told me, you better shop around..."
(B) Web sites that offer advice on relationships: (UB)
(N) www.women.com
(N) www.eHarlequin.com
(N) www.aol.women.com
(B) Events, notes and lectures (UB)
(B) Long Islanders Against Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (UB) holds its second annual picnic at noon Sunday, June 10 at Eisenhower Park, Merrick Avenue entrance, Parking Field 6A in East Meadow. All proceeds go to the Obsessive-Compulsive Foundation Research Fund. Admission is $5 for individuals and $10 per family. For more information, call (631) 351-1729 or e-mail Rob at alimalis@aol.com . ... (B) North Shore University Hospital (UB) has planned two free health lectures in June. Sleep Disorders is the topic at 2:15 p.m. Tuesday, June 19, in the Shankman Auditorium at the Franklin Hospital Medical Center in Valley Stream. The other lecture focuses on arthritis at 1:30 p.m. Wednesday, June 20, in the Pratt Auditorium at North Shore University Hospital in Glen Cove. For further information on both lectures, either call (516) 465-2500 or click on www.northshorelij.com. ... (B) North Shore University Hospital (UB) is also sponsoring the 19th annual summer picnic Pops Concert at Old Westbury Gardens. Gates open at 6 p.m. Saturday, June 16. Tickets are $45 per person, two for $80, children (16 and under) $10 each. Tickets must be purchased in advance. Concert starts at 8 p.m. For further information, call (516) 465-2550. ...(B) South Nassau Communities Hospital (UB) is sponsoring three free health lectures in June, all in the Albert Conference Room, One Healthy Way, Oceanside. Modern Trends in Breast Reconstruction will be discussed at 6:30 p.m. Thursday, June 14. For reservations, call 1-877-South-Nassau. How to Examine Your Breasts starts at 2 p.m. Friday, June 15. For reservations, call (516) 632-3980. Improving Your Memory will be discussed at 1:15 p.m. Thursday, June 15. For further information, call (516) 632-3980. ... The Council of Leagues of (B) Mercy Medical Center (UB) in Rockville Centre will sponsor its 24th Annual Ladies Day of Sports golf and tennis outing Monday, Aug. 13, at the Seawane Country Club. Starting time to be determined. For further information, call (516) 705-1021. ...Volunteers needed at (B) Winthrop-University Hospital (UB) to staff the gift shop, as well as the thrift shop, evenings and weekends. Other positions available, too. For additional information, call (516) 663-2391. ...(B) Franklin Hospital Medical Center (UB) will host a healthy body and mind lecture at 7:30 p.m. Thursday, June 7. Two registered pharmacists will lead a free lecture titled Tell Us Where It Hurts. For further information, call (516) 256-6440. ...(B) Adelphi University (UB) is hosting a free lecture on Breast Cancer Treatment at 7 p.m. Wednesday, June 13. The sponsor is New York State's only breast- cancer hotline, which has its office at Adelphi. Reservations are required. Call (516) 877-4325. The Breast Cancer Hotline number is (800) 877-8077. ... An arthritis support group, co-sponsored by the (B) Arthritis Foundation and Long Beach Medical Center, (UB) will meet at 2 p.m. Tuesday, June 19, at the medical center, 455 East Bay Drive. For further information, call (631) 427-8272.
(B) Hotel and Motel Safety Tips (UB)
The Nassau County Department of Health offers safety tips for staying at either a hotel or motel this summer. While traveling, the DOH advises that when selecting a motel or hotel, consider the following:
(N) Parking lots should be well lighted or otherwise protected.
(N) Outside doors, sliding doors in guest rooms and windows should be lockable.
(N) Smoke detectors should be in the halls and rooms.
(N) Working fire extinguishers should be nearby.
(N) Exit signs and hallways should be properly lighted
(N) Pool decks should be well maintained and the water appear clean.
(N) A pool fence should have a self-closing, latching gate.
(N) If there are no lifeguards present, take precautions-no one should swim alone.
(N) Diving boards should have at least nine feet of water beneath them.
(N) Pools should have no broken lights or steps that could create a hazard.
(N) At any pool or beach, read the posted rules and follow them.
(N) If a rainstorm or lightning is approaching, leave the pool area immediately.
