BY JOSEPH KELLARD
While Tonkiss's memoir recounts her first 18 years growing up in Island Park, "¡Adelante!" zeroes in on her mother, Esperanza, an orphan who emigrated to the village from Puerto Rico to live with family in 1920.
"My mother taught me right from wrong, a strong work ethic, and above all the importance of an education and to never to give up on your hopes and dreams," said Tonkiss, 72, who calls "¡Adelante!" a survival story. "... She gave me the belief that I could be whatever I wanted to be, as long as I applied myself, and she continues to be my inspiration. And I felt that this was her legacy."
However, the legacy left by her father, Ramon Jimenez, a Mexican who also arrived in Island Park at age 16, the same year as Esperanza, was a tragic one. In chapter 29, Tonkiss reveals her unexpected last encounter with her dad.
"I never told anyone what happened that last day," she said. "My mother and brother Ray never knew that I was the last to see him alive and what ensued."
A retired Spanish teacher from Patchogue-Medford School District who lives in Middle Island, Tonkiss initially wrote a memoir about her mother intended just for her children and grandchildren to read. But her writing took on a life of its own after she'd revisited some old family photo albums, inspiring her to pen some sentimental vignettes that fill a slim, 117-page book along with many snapshots of her youth in Island Park. With immigration so much in the news, Tonkiss thought the time was ripe to publish "¡Adelante!," which she did in April.
So what did becoming Americans mean to her parents? "It meant a whole new beginning," Tonkiss said. "It meant starting a life that would be better for their children."
That better life really began on Newport Road and, later, Marina Road, the sites of her parents' first two homes. Ramon worked as a contractor and painter in Atlantic Beach, and the family of four was among the few in Island Park during the Depression with a house, spending money and a car.
But their lives soon steered down a different, difficult road, as Ramon gambled, took to shooting up heroin and fell into debt. At 46, he met a violent death, and Tonkiss recounts the hours just before, when her dad asked her to run away with him immediately to Mexico after she told him that some strange men had come knocking at their door.
"My childhood was traumatic and horrific," Tonkiss said. "But we have choices in life, and you can become bitter or better. I chose to become better."
While her father made life difficult, Tonkiss's mother, who lived to 84, gave her strength. "Her legacy is one of hope and making the right choices," she said.
Tonkiss's choice to write and publish "¡Adelante!" has considerably enriched her life, she said. Most importantly, she's reconnected with her estranged brother, Ray Jimenez, and some old friends, and she has a new career as a motivational speaker.
For the past 15 years Tonkiss hadn't known her older brother's whereabouts, after squabbling with him over family and money matters. Living in St. Petersburg, Fla., for the past six years, Ray Jimenez read about his sister's book in the newsletter of the Oceanside High School Alumni Association, ordered a copy and read "¡Adelante!."
"I have wonderful memories of living in Island Park," Jimenez, 77, said. "It was paradise growing up there in our day, going to the beach all day."
After he'd read her book, Jimenez called up his sister, and both siblings said that they talked as if they'd never been apart for so long.
"We laughed and cried and related to our childhood," said Tonkiss, who got married and had three girls and three grandchildren, five grand children and a great grandson. "... I feel as if a hole in my heart is starting to heal. No matter how bad things are ... there's nothing like family."
A mason since he was 14 years old, Jimenez joined the Marines and got married at age 17, and he too had three kids.
Reflecting on his youth, Jimenez appears to have taken his troubled family more in stride, characterizing his childhood as "a little rough." When asked his thoughts on the "Shattered Lives" chapter, he simply said of his father, "Well, I never liked the guy, period. So it didn't bother [me] when he died. I said, 'See you later.' He did a lot to me that [screwed me up]. I look at it this way, it makes you stronger."
Jimenez himself revealed to the Herald that his father would sometimes ask him, when he was 10 years old, to help him cook and inject his heroin.
In August, Jimenez visited his sister in Middle Village, and they spent a week together seeing old friends and visiting places from their youth in Island Park. "... We talk every morning and before we
hang up, I always say, 'I love you!,'" Tonkiss said.
Some of Tonkiss's long-lost friends also contacted her after reading "¡Adelante!." "I laughed, I cried, I related, I couldn't put it down!," Al Barr, her friend since kindergarten, wrote in an e-mail. "I didn't realize the difficulties you had with your father. Where was I? Why didn't you talk to me?"
Meanwhile, Tonkiss has been traveling nationwide giving readings of "¡Adelante!," particularly the chapters on her mother, from a conference in San Diego, to the public library in Island Park, to several schools, jails and hospitals in between. During her readings, she characterizes her mother as a humble woman with a lot of common sense. In their home, for example, both her parents spoke Spanish, but outside strictly English.
"The melting pot today is not politically correct," Tonkiss said. "But my parents wanted to be Americans. It was very important Š So, I feel very strong, because of my mother, that if you come to this country, you learn the language."
Tonkiss mostly volunteers in the maternity ward at Southside Hospital in Bay Shore, where she speaks to fellow Hispanic women and encourages them to read. "Something's wrong when they're here 16 years and they don't speak English," she said. "What is that about? I just tell them they have to learn English."
Tonkiss's next adventure? She is trying to become one of those obscure authors who get nationwide exposure. That is, she's trying to get on Oprah. "I can't tell you,² she said, ³how exciting all this is to me," Tonkiss said.
To order "¡Adelante! Achieving The American Dream," mail a $18 check to: Maria Tonkiss, P.O. Box 474, Middle Island, NY 11953, or to Dorrance Publishing Co., Inc., Book Order Dept., Pittsburgh, PA 15222, or call 1-800-788-7654. Contact Tonkiss at 1-631-345-0776, or mtonkiss@aol.com.
Comments about this story? JKellard@liherald.com or (516) 569-4000 ext. 287.
