By: Linda Sapadin
In this economy, this kind of thinking is more frequent than many people realize When confusion and fear reign, it's especially important to be active and maintain perspective. Otherwise, self-esteem can plummet.
Gerard is in danger of losing his managerial position in an investment company. He's kicking himself for taking this job five years ago, thinking he was stupid for not taking a civil service job like his father. Just a few years ago, however, Gerard had a very different perspective. He felt great about this new opportunity that he was being offered and was sure that he had made the right career move. Confident, he remembers telling his wife how lucky he was to be in the right place at the right time. Now, he's second-guessing that decision and taunting himself about his inadequacies and weaknesses.
Now let's take a look at his colleague Paul. Paul's in the same precarious position as Gerard. Though he is worried, he looks at his situation in a less personally destructive way. He knows he's a good manager and remains confident about his abilities. Still, he's aware that the economy has changed and he may be caught in the crunch. He's preparing himself for that possibility, networking with people and planning in what direction he will move if his job is eliminated.
When good or bad things happen to us in life, we are not just passive receivers of these events. Gerard and Paul, like all of us, actively make interpretations about the events in our lives. These interpretations (which become our realities) influence and are influenced by our basic feelings about ourselves.
People with low self-esteem and passive behavior tend to make the interpretation that their failures are evidence of character flaws, (i.e. I'm not good enough) and their successes as chance events (i.e. I'm lucky to be in the right place at the right time.)
In contrast, people with high self-esteem and proactive behavior tend to make very different interpretations. They attribute their failures to something outside of their control, (i.e. It's a bad economy) and their successes to their own effort or expertise, (i.e. I've got the skills; I've
got the motivation and if I network and present myself well, I will find another position.)
When stressful times come, as indeed they will, and though you may be feeling anxious, upset or discouraged, don't take your self-esteem down with you. Remember your strengths, successes and resources. Fight the urge to isolate yourself. Keep your energy up by being active and focused on your goal. Maintain a perspective on your problem. Trust that no matter how difficult things are for you now, you will emerge from these tough times a wiser, stronger, more caring person.
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice who works with individuals, families and couples.
