By: Linda Sapadin, Ph.D
The language you use to describe a problem is more significant than most people realize. Words are a strong influence on how you look at yourself and your situation. Let me give you a simple example. Notice the difference between these three statements:
- I'm a depressed person
- I'm always depressed
- I'll be depressed the rest of my life and these three statements:
- I've been depressed recently
- Sometimes I get depressed.
- I am depressed
In one sense, all three statements are the same. You are describing yourself as depressed. But the first three are much more negative and self-defeating than the last three. Here's why.
-"I'm a depressed person" is what is referred to as a "labeling statement." You are creating an Identity for yourself and presenting yourself to the world with a stamp marked "depressed." You become your depression. It's funny that most people hate it when others label them, yet many have no hesitation labeling themselves in a very negative manner.
-"I'm always depressed" is a discouraging statement that often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is absolute, all-or-nothing thinking at its worst. Even the most depressed person I know is not depressed 100 percent of the time. But if you describe yourself that way, you will cut off access to recognizing the times that you're feeling okay and noticing what situations or people help to make you feel better.
- "I'll be depressed for the rest of my life" is perhaps the most definitive way to stay stuck in your despondency forever and ever. With this rigid choice of words, you close off the future to any new possibilities.
The latter three statements are not sugarcoating anything. You acknowledge that you are depressed, but you do not exaggerate your ills, nor blame or label yourself in a negative way. You also assume that there can be future times in which you are not depressed. Let's now look at the last three statements one at a time.
-"I've been depressed recently" almost begs the question "WHY"? You search for what has been happening recently in your relationships, your career, your body, your mind that may have brought about or aggravated your depression. You believe that you can channel your mind into a direction that will help you get better. You keep the door open to change.
-"Sometimes I get depressed" is a statement that depression can come and go. You "get" depressed, you "get out" of being depressed. You do not view it as an absolute or fixed condition of your life. This, of course, is a more hopeful comment than many of the others.
- "I'm depressed" is the simplest statement of all. You acknowledge your condition of the moment, without making it a fait accompli for any length of time. Maybe you're depressed because the summer is ending, because your loved one has disappointed you, because you're overwhelmed by life's stresses. With this remark, you don't lock yourself in to being depressed as a way of life. Perhaps, it's temporary, in the same way "I'm tired" or "I'm hungry" is temporary. Perhaps it's more serious. But you don't assume the worst right away.
A powerful way to change the viewing of your problem is to express it in a less debilitating, more optimistic manner. Acknowledging and describing what you're experiencing is much better than labeling, blaming or thinking in an all or nothing mode.
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice who specializes in Individual and family therapy as well as personal coaching.
