Yet Thanksgiving is here. How do you cope with the holiday after you've had an awful, tragic event happen? Do you ignore the day? Can you make it go away? Do you swallow hard and try to enjoy yourself? Do you resent the celebration since you feel you have nothing to be thankful for?
There is no right way to spend the holidays. Listen to the music in your heart. It may be soulful. It may be cheerful. You may only endure the day. You may enjoy the day. You may feel numb. You may have strong feelings of anger, sadness or loneliness. You may want to talk about how you're feeling.
Or you may find yourself retreating into silence. You may wish to be with other people. Or you may desire to be alone. At times, you may feel that your grief can be shared. At other times, you may feel that your grief is your own burden and you must carry it alone.
Don't judge what's happening. Just experience it.
If you are approaching Thanksgiving with a heavy heart, there is one thing that you can be thankful for. You were extraordinarily blessed to have had this special person in your life. The time you did have together (though much too short) is something you know you will always treasure. No one can ever take away from you those incredible memories you hold dear. You will always remember her smile, her sparkle, his laughter, his charm. Your loved one is now a part of you. You cherish his values. You own her distinctive qualities.
When life throws you a curve ball, be gentle with yourself. Do what you can do. That is all anyone can ask of you or you can demand of yourself. Take whatever time you need to grieve. Take whatever time you need to heal. Don't shy away from crying, if that is what you need to do. There is a beauty in tears, a rightness about them. They show how much you have lived and loved and lost.
One last note: If your life was not directly affected by tragedy this year, what better time can there be to genuinely appreciate all that you have and all those you hold dear.
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice who specializes in individual and family therapy as well as personal coaching. Copyright 2001.
