By: Linda Sepadin
"I get bored easily." Though Alex is frequently bored, a dramatic shift occurs when he's under intense pressure. Fueled by an adrenaline rush, an emergency deadline and chaos lurking around every corner, he rises to the occasion, responding with high energy and enthusiasm. Alex admits that his life feels like a roller coaster ride, with thrilling highs of heroic stimulation, followed by depressing lows of exhaustion and lethargy. Alex, however, cannot imagine any other way to live. He has had set ideas about what's fun and what's boring, what's pleasurable and what's painful, what's productive and what's a waste of time. He began this way of living in junior high school when he admitted feeling a certain sense of pride in beating the system. "While everyone else was doing what they were supposed to be doing, I could do whatever I wanted to do. When it came down to the wire, I knew I could always get things done by pulling an all-nighter. At those times, I remember feeling like a super hero, rushing in to save the day."Alex's style of living worked pretty well for many years - despite others often being upset with him. Recently, however, things have started to change. Though he still enjoys weathering last-minute crises, he also acknowledges that he's been responsible for creating many of those crises. Given this fact, it's difficult for him to continue to feel pride in resolving a mess that he knows that he himself has caused. If Alex's way of living seems familiar to you, here are three suggestions that you might find useful: Acknowledge that you may not feel interested in doing something until after you get involved in doing it. Crisis-makers are quick to assume that an activity won't be enjoyable, unless it intrigues or excites them. In other words, they demand that a task lure them into action. Yet, lots of things are not initially interesting. The interest develops after you get involved in them. Alex needed to be reminded that he was the kid who fought tooth and nail against having to take a bath; then, fought just as hard to stay there longer when his mom wanted him out. Identify other self-motivators besides stress. Stress, being under the gun, and an adrenaline rush should not be the only things that motivate you to get something done. When faced with something you're tempted to put off, ask yourself these questions: Will doing this improve my reputation, my personal sense of accomplishment or my relationship with others? Can it benefit me financially or increase my personal power? What will I learn from getting this done in a timely manner? Is there a way I can make this task more enjoyable or interesting? Focus not only on your feelings, but also on the facts. As a crisis-maker, you're more inclined to feel more at the expense of thinking. Avoid your tendency to impulsively respond to your whims and moods. Instead, ask yourself the following questions: What should I be taking care of now, even though it may not be what I want to be doing? What are the probable consequences, if I don't take action on this matter now? How will I feel about the situation next week if I keep avoiding what needs to be done? How will I feel about myself next week if I keep avoiding what needs to be done? Remember: You don't need the pressure of a crisis to get things done! You don't need high drama in your life every single day! You don't need to create heroic situations in which you are constantly battling the odds!
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice and author of Master Your Fears: How to Triumph Over Your Worries and Get On With Your Life. She specializes in helping individuals, families and couples overcome self-defeating patterns of behavior. She invites you to visit her website at www.psychwisdom.com/ Copyright © 2004
