By JUDY RATTNER
The pain "did not go away," one said, "it's just different." That sentiment, as well as the inner strength many have developed and the support they draw from family and friends, were all part of the raw emotions expressed during a Sept. 11 commemoration held last Thursday at South Nassau Communities Hospital in Oceanside.
The tribute, organized by the World Trade Center Family Center, the hospital's non-profit support and counseling group, featured the voices of the children, for the first time publicly airing their grief at having lost a parent in the terrorist attacks. Previous anniversary commemorations held by the Family Center have been private. Dr. Thomas Demaria, the center's founder and assistant vice president of behavioral health services at the hospital, explained that this was the first year the families felt comfortable enough to speak publicly. "We're here to celebrate a difficult anniversary," he said, "but we do it together."
In essays, poems and artwork, some in a brief video, others displayed in the auditorium where the event was held, the children described their personal journeys since that fateful day. As audience members struggled with their own emotions, they listened as family members described their loss.
Quoting from her college essay, a girl named Celeste said, "I'm trapped with a continuing grief that is public and not on my own terms." She also acknowledged that as a result of the loss of her father, she had become more responsible, accountable and selfless, as well as more independent. "I miss my father very much," she said, "I think of him often and I hope he's proud."
Matt Geyer, a senior at South Side High School who had opted not to attend the counseling offered by the Family Center but who has participated in some of the trips the group has organized over the years, said, "This whole tragedy has given me a great deal of inner strength. It has inspired me to be the best person and student I can be. If I can deal with this tragedy, I can do pretty much anything." The president of his class for his four years of high school said he follows the message of his father, who used to coach his soccer team: no one is ever excluded, everyone gets included and everyone gets to play. "He said you don't have to be the best at what you do," Matt said, "but you should strive to be the best you can personally be, and have fun doing it." Matt added, "I do believe that his spirit is still around. He is still watching over us. It helps all of us just get through the days. Even though he is not here physically, it is comforting to know that his spirit is still with us, always. It's not the same, but it is a little bit of comfort."
Geyer's loss has also inspired him to help other people. He described the four years he has worked at Camp Anchor, the Town of Hempstead's program for disabled individuals, joining his older sister, Michele, who has also worked there for years. "The people there have been going through a different type of pain. But the pain that we have been feeling is universal. We connect so well to these kids because we all have a certain kind of pain. Their lives aren't easy either. Some have Down Syndrome, some are autistic, others have emotional problems or mental disabilities and really don't lead a normal life.They need help and assistance.They need friends. It gives me a lot of joy and pride to be able to be their friend. They need love and companionship," he said, adding that he has every intention of continuing his work at the camp.
As the years pass, he said, "you get more used to the lifestyle, because it is very different with only one parent." He said his mother did everything possible, especially in the years immediately following the loss of his father who worked at Cantor Fitzgerald, to keep traditions as much the same for him and his two sisters as she could. But even so, he said, it was difficult for them all at first. Geyer said his family, which he described as "tight knit" before Sept. 11, has grown even closer in recent years. He also said he gets tremendous support from his friends and other families who also lost a loved one in the attacks, families with whom his whole family has recently become close. "I am really lucky to have such a loving, extended family," he said.
Another Rockville Centre resident, Emily Wright, 9, who just started fifth grade at St. Agnes, described her loss in two pieces of art. The first, drawn over the summer when she was four, depicted her whole family together, and another painted this summer, were displayed at the Center's commemoration. Emily's mother Martha, whose husband, John, died in Tower 2, said her three children, Emily, and brothers Robert who just turned 8 and Johnny, who was only three weeks old when he lost his father, had initially attended programs at the counseling center and had also vacationed with other families who lost a loved one in the attacks. She said although they had stopped going for a while, they returned to participate in the Family Center's summer camp this year. "It's good for them to be with other kids who have had the same experience," she said.
As she watched Johnny's first soccer game at the Rec Center last Saturday, her thoughts included the milestones in her children's lives that her husband was missing. "I feel most sorry," she said, "that he's not here to watch them grow up."
And Geyer said, "As every year goes by we have adapted more and more. It [Sept. 11] doesn't necessarily have as strong an effect, it is still very difficult, but we have made progress in coping. The grief does not go away though, it just gets eased."
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Photos by Judy Rattner/Herald
