The right to show her face in public

      Here are two examples: An American teenage girl might take it for granted that she is entitled to her own phone while an Afghan teenage girl would be thrilled that she is entitled to go to school. An American woman might take it for granted that she can get a good paying job while an Afghan woman would be relieved to just have the right to show her face in public.
      Can you imagine that women who used to be doctors and teachers are now rejoicing that they can show their faces again outside of their home? What a right to lose! Especially in a society in which their national constitution had granted women equal rights 30 years ago!!
      Can you imagine being treated not as a person but as "an ant," which is how the documentary film "Kandahar" describes women's situation in Afghanistan during the last few years?
      Today, Afghan women are deciding if it is safe for them to shed their burqas (the head-to-toe garment that makes them unrecognizable as individuals). Today, even though American women also have our issues about freedom and safety, what a contrast in what we focus on and what we take for granted!
      In America, when a woman rejoices in her new-found freedom, she is celebrating freedom of the human psyche, not escape from political bondage. With many thanks to the early suffragettes and the more modern women's rights movements, we struggle not for our civil rights -- which we take for granted -- but for emotional and psychological freedom.
      Here's an example of an American woman's struggle to be free. In Marianne's words: "All my life I've felt trapped and yearned to be free. But it was hard for me. I never trusted my own thoughts. I was shy and quiet and only spoke up when I had to. I did not think about what was best for me but automatically responded to what my parents wanted rather than run the risk of losing their approval."
      Over time she has begun to feel much more confident. Now listen to her words: "I no longer let other people define me. I think about what I want me to be. And I can speak spontaneously instead of always being afraid that someone will disapprove of what I'm saying. This new found freedom is intoxicating. I love it! "
      In our society, when we talk about our fight for freedom we are most likely referring to our desire to free ourselves from an impaired self to an enriched self, from self-defeating behavior to self-actualizing behavior. In Afghan society no woman takes for granted such basic rights as the right to be educated, the right to health care, or the right to show her face in public.
      What an amazing difference!

      Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice who specializes in individual and family therapy as well as personal coaching. Copyright 2001