By Linda Sapadin Ph. D.
As we wished each other happy holidays, let us take some time to consider what happiness is all about.
The Dalia Lama, the spiritual leader of Tibet, has stated that the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness. Indeed, his book entitled The Art Of Happiness is a NY Times best seller. The Declaration of Independence grants us the right to the pursuit of happiness, indicating that even centuries ago, Americans felt entitled to be happy. Quite a change from the Puritan viewpoint in which service to God and nose to the grindstone was the operative principle. Modern American Parents often say, sometimes out of desperation, all I want is for my child to be happy.
With all this emphasis on happiness, one might think we've figured out how to achieve it. Yet, for many, the path to happiness remains vague and out of reach. Almost like a tease. Entitled to it, but no clear road as to how to obtain it. There's no college degree in happiness, no certification in joy.
Many people believe that they would achieve happiness if only they could get what they think they want. If I fall in love, have lots of money, am successful, take dream vacations, I can expect to be happy. And you know what, these things work-at least for awhile. Getting what you want can create a temporary feeling of elation. However, sooner or later (usually sooner), people return to their typical baseline of happiness or unhappiness-whatever that is. This happens for two reasons.
1. We adapt to good things. Remember when you thought you would be thrilled if only you could afford a brand new car. Chances are that as the years have passed, you would no longer be satisfied with such a car and want better. Adaptation operates constantly in our lives, making us unhappy with the status quo. Of course advertising contributes to this effect, always pushing us to be dissatisfied with what we have.
2. We are happy, not because good things happen to us but because we experience them as good. The opposite is also true. Some people seem to be hard-wired to be unhappy. No matter how much they have, no matter what good things happen in their lives, their focus is on the negativeon what they don't have or what still remains to be done.
So, what's a person to do to achieve happiness? Here are three recommendations:
1. The path to happiness is not a direct route. Do what you enjoy, be with people you like, work at things that bring you satisfaction and happiness will follow.
2. Rather than always wanting more, take time out to appreciate what you already have. I mean really appreciate your life-the people in it, the experiences you've had, the material things you own. When you value everyday things more, you will experience life in a happier way.
3. Make time for whatever touches your spirit. I don't know what that means for you, but whatever it is, it won't be mundane. It will be something that can bring tears to your eyes. Not tears of sadness, but tears of meaning so deep that they touch your heart and soul.
Here's hoping that you experience happiness with love and warmth that lasts throughout the New Year.
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice who specializes in individual and family therapy as well as personal coaching.
