Here are a few quizzes to help you realize how you typically frame a story.
You missed out on a great financial deal that others got in on. Do you tend to think:
a. Poor me, always unlucky.
b. Nobody told me about that deal till it was too late. Can¹t rely on anyone.
c. So what? There¹s always another deal around the corner.
d. I don¹t like Œdeals¹. I like the security and safety of a sound investment.
e. I¹ve been really lucky with my investments. Can¹t complain.
You¹ve received a few cards from friends and family on your birthday. Do you tend to think:
a. This is nice. People have remembered my birthday.
b. Just a few cards; it makes me feel lonely.
c. I¹m so hurt; my own brother forgot to send me a card.
d. Nothing ever turns out well for me, why should this day be any different?
e. I treated myself special today and I feel great!
You go on vacation. Do you tend to think:
a. Great vacation I loved it.
b. Wonderful vacation but I worry about all the money we spent.
c. Should have been great but the lousy weather ruined it.
d. Nice vacation but nothing like that exotic trip my sister took.
e. It¹s hardly worth going on vacation with all the hassles before and after the trip.
You may think that the stories you tell about your experiences are objective that¹s just what happened. However, even though some of the details of the story may be objective, your take on the matter is quite subjective. And it is this personal subjective narrative that shapes your personality - your belief about who you are, what you¹re entitled to, what you expect from others, how you compare to others, what you believe about your place in the universe.
I find it a creative exercise to imagine your life as a book. Such a book has several chapters that describe how your life progresses. It includes the high points, the low points and the turning points in your life.
One hopes your story will not have chapter after chapter with the same repetitive theme, such as Œpoor me my childhood was a horror. Now that I¹m an adult, awful things still keep happening to me.My future will undoubtedly be more of the same.¹ This would be a boring book, even if, on occasion, it rips your heart out.
A more valuable life story, and one I wish for you, would be one in which each chapter is not repetitive of the themes of earlier chapters. Instead, there would be a shift in perspective as you learned and grew.
One story might illustrate how you felt empowered to speak up, where before, you would just have acceded to what others said. Another story might illustrate how you developed more compassion and understanding of your own foibles, and could laugh at the way you used to be.
It¹s not just what happens in your life that¹s important. It¹s also how you tell the story of your life to others and to yourself. Listen to what you say as you tell a story. Know that you have alternative ways of reflecting on the same event.
Each story does not need to be a Œtriumph over adversity¹ or Œgreat time had by all¹. However, if few or none of your stories are optimistic or have a happy ending, perhaps it¹s time to discover a new approach.
Imagine the book of your life.
What is the title of the chapter you are living now?
What will be the title of your next chapter?
Copyright 2007
Hope to meet you on Sunday June 10th, at the first Five Towns Health and Fitness Day in Cedarhurst Park. It begins at noon and I will give a keynote address at 1 p.m.. My topic: Mind Over Matter: How The Power of Your Mind Can Enhance Your Health and Happiness. There will be music, tai chi and karate demonstrations, and information on health and fitness.
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice who specializes in helping people enrich their lives, enhance their relationships and overcome self-defeating patterns of behavior. For more information about her work, visit her website at www.psychwisdom.com.
