The week after

      I write this column a week in advance. And a week, in times like these, is everything.
      If you read my column last week, you were probably wondering how could I have written a piece called, How was your week? and not even mentioned the horrific attacks on our nation. Last week's words were written how was your week; this week's words are written how was your week
      We have watched the tragedy over and over again on television. At first, it didn't seem real -- especially in this era of special effects. We are in shock. We are numb. We can't believe what has happened But slowly it begins to sink in. Those planes really did crash through the towers. The Twin Towers really are no more. And the greatest tragedy of it all -- loved ones are not coming home to their grieving families and friends.
      One man waiting to hear about a friend who worked at "Ground Zero" collapsed in frustration, crying, "There's nothing I can do. I feel so helpless. I can't stand the pain."
      One woman picked her young children up at school, saying, "I just wanted them home. I needed to hug them. I needed to see with my own eyes that they were safe."
      As I write these words, it is the second day of sadness and shock. We are still trying to face the enormity of this event. There is much we do not know. There is much we cannot do. Yet, despite all of the frustration and all of the despair, people are turning to their best and bravest part of themselves to be there for others, to give in any way they can. They give money. They give blood. They give service. They pray. And they listen. Never underestimate the power of caring, non-judgmental listening.
      Though we will re-establish our sense of order by getting back to our daily routines, the emotional after-effects of this tragedy may continue for a very long period of time. Obviously, those who lost loved ones and those who are directly involved in the rescue effort will be most traumatized by this event. But there will be many others who witnessed the tragedy who will not be able to shake the horror, helplessness and fear.
      People may experience many confused, powerful and varied emotions. They may feel numb and detached, frustrated and fatigued, devastated and hopeless, scared and nervous, angry and outraged. These feelings may happen at different times or flood the mind and body all at once.
      Adults and kids may have trouble concentrating and focusing on any task at hand. Kids may have absolutely no interest in going to school to learn material that seems so pointless in the face of trauma. Adults may feel the exact same way, though they may go through the motions and keep their feelings to themselves.
      Many parents are wondering how to talk about what happened with their children. We must realize that most kids are going to see or hear about the imagery associated with this disaster, if not at home, then at school or at a friend's house. You cannot shield your child entirely from this event, nor should you. Keep in mind, however, that kids are good observers but poor interpreters. Thus, it is the parent's job to give an age appropriate interpretation of what happened without creating excessive anxiety for your child.
      One more thing I'd like to stress. Though many may be quite upset about the terrorist attack, others may rebound quite quickly. There is no right or wrong reaction. One does not have to respond in any designated way to be okay.
      Lastly, remind your kids and yourself that we will get through this together. We will help each other survive. We will gather our resources, our prayers, our energy and our strength to cope with this tragedy and to do what we must.
      
      Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice who specializes in individual and family therapy as well as personal coaching. Copyright 2001