Thinking that makes things worse

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"I have no other choice. I must do it this way."

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"If I can't do it perfectly, there's no point in even trying." Overgeneralizing: Making sweeping generalizations rather than assessing the specific situation in the specific context. Using the words "never" and "always".

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"This always happens to me."

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"I can never count on you for anything." Exaggerating One's Responsibility: Shouldering all the blame. Believing the future could have been predicted.

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"It's all my fault."

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"Why didn't you know that was going to happen?" Catastrophizing: Expecting that the worst will happen. Treating disappointments as disasters.

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"I made a fool out of myself. Now, nobody will ever want to be my friend."

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"It'll be a disaster if I don't get this job." Ignoring the Positive While Exaggerating the Negative: Overlooking what is good. Attributing what you did well to good luck.

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"So what if I lost a few pounds; I'm still fat.

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"I was just lucky to pass the test." Mind Reading: Thinking you know what's going on in another's mind without corroborating evidence.

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"She said that my work is good, but I know she's just saying that to be nice."

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"After what I did, I know everyone's going to hate me." "What If" Questions: Asking "What If questions" that stir up anxiety without searching for a legitimate answer to the questions.

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" What if I can't find a job?"

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"What if he yells at me?" "If Only" Thinking: Wishing you could undo the past. Thinking things would be radically different if only you had made a different decision.

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"I'd be rich if only I had bought that stock."

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"I'd be a happier if only I had chosen a different career." Blaming with "shoulds": Blaming and shaming because something was or wasn't done.

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" You should have thought of that before."

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"I should have bought real estate years ago."Undermining Your Coping Skills: Thinking that you won't be able to handle a difficult situation.

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"I'd have a meltdown if that ever happened"

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"I could never deal with that situation."These types of thinking impede your ability to make good decisions. Reflective thinking, on the other hand, can increase understanding and help you to resolve problems.To improve your ability to think in a reflective manner, first take a step backwards and calm yourself down. Then reflect on what exactly is the essence of the problem. Keep a perspective, neither exaggerating nor minimizing what's happening. Review the Facts. Examine the options. Then come to an understanding of what's happening and how you need to respond or what action, if any, you need to take.© Copyright 2006: Linda Sapadin, Ph.D., is a psychologist in private practice who specializes in helping individuals, families and couples overcome self-defeating patterns of behavior. She can be reached by e-mail at DrSapadin@aol.com. To read additional columns, visit www.psychwisdom.com