Trying to get back to "normal"

      "People need to give themselves time."
      So says Long Beach clinical social worker David Lutwin about how people can cope and get back to normal since the events of Sept. 11.
      "People should understand that Post Traumatic Stress symptoms are normal in light of the tragedy," Lutwin said. "Not a disorder, but a reaction to an unprecedented event in our lives."
      What exactly is "normal" may change for people. Those in law enforcement recognize that things are going to be different. While watching his daughter at Lido Beach Park, Long Beach resident and N.Y.P.D. detective Stephen Aroesty said, "Within free society there is a balance between necessary security and civil rights. There will be a shift in that balance." He notes that there has already been a shift in that curbside check in at the airports was disbanded.
      A sergeant with the N.Y.P.D. who gave his name as Tom spoke with the Herald after a session of skating at the Long Beach Arena last week. The attack, he said, was a wake up call. "It's telling us we need to be prepared."
      While on his beat recently, Tom was asked by a person on the street, "When will life go back to normal for you guys?"
      Tom's reply was, "When it gets back to normal for all of you." Tom said several people on the street have thanked him recently, and that the police presence is making people feel more comfortable.
      Aroesty says one of his biggest concerns is the monstrous hours. "Family obligations continue, but you're not there to help."
      Many people feel that the tragedy has left no one untouched. Tom admits that even if you don't know someone who is missing, the tragedy has "only six degrees of separation. Everyone knows someone, who knows someone." Tom has no desire to see Ground Zero, but said many of his friends do want to travel into the city to see it.
      One resident, a now out-of-work union electrician who attributed the fall in construction work to the attack, said, "If there was work in the city I'd go, but I wouldn't go now for recreation."
      Back at Lido Park, Eileen Costelloe, Mitch Lewis and Mary Cammarosano, all of Long Beach, spoke with the Herald while their children played in the park.
      Costelloe, who worked for 12 years in the city without fear said, "I now think twice about large gatherings. I planned to go to Radio City, now I'm not going to go. I have no desire to go to the city."
      That reaction, Lutwin says, is natural. "People will want to stay close to home where they feel most comfortable and safe," he said. But he added that to cope people should try to resume as many normal activities as possible.
      Lewis said he attempted as much. "I started out by going to the movies, mostly comedies. I really haven't been out in bars. I'm not in the mood to laugh it up in a bar."
      Cammarosano, who worked in the city for 16 years, says she feels a depression that comes and goes like a wave.
      One person, a figure skater from Point Lookout, while working out at Long Beach Arena said she believes people will get over their fear in time. Lewis, in fact, said he is thinking about buying tickets to a show and has been to the city twice. He also has rescheduled a flight to Texas that was originally planned for the week after the attack.
      Most people, though, are still mourning, still grieving, Lutwin noted. Costello said, "You don't forget, but you close your eyes sometimes and can't believe it happened." That denial and rationalization are normal defense mechanisms, Lutwin explained. People understand intellectually what has happened, it is just difficult to accept.
      According to Lutwin, being active in the community and volunteering time are good ways to move on. "Passivity harbors depression," he said. "Action empowers people to get beyond losses."
      He stresses that people need to be verbal and expressive about fears with friends, relatives and neighbors. "Don't repress for fear of being viewed as weak if you're a man, or hysterical if you're a woman. People should bond and give each other support."
      Some people noted that they've seen people really pulling together in this time of crisis, something Lutwin, himself, even saw after being in the city. "This has pulled us together in a regional grieving."
      While watching her son play at Lido Park, Christine Sterns of Rockville Centre reflected on how "normal" has now changed for so many people.
      "Normal is probably being a lot more concerned," she said. "My husband travels for work. He has to call as soon as he gets in. Normal is going to memorial services. Normal is trying to find out where memorial services are. Normal means watching a lot more news. Normal means not missing a chance to say I love you to your loved ones."
      Lutwin said people should seek help when they feel their daily functioning is impaired. "If one can't concentrate on the job, or feels homebound and won't go to their job, or can't go on in a similar way that they did before September 11th, their functioning is impaired."
      Cammarosano said, "I will take my kids into the city. I think life goes on. But I'm just not ready."