While I'm excited about the trip, I'll have to surmount a newfound fear of flying. This will be my first time on an airplane since Sept. 11, 2001. Although we are now almost two years removed from the tragic events of that day, the visions have haunted me every day, and have played a big role in my absence from the air ever since.
Since 9/11 I've had countless nightmares in which I've relived the events, relived what I saw and went through. It wasn't until I booked the plane tickets a few months ago that I started to have nightmares about my plane crashing. I guess it was inevitable.
As much as I try not to revisit them during the day, there's no denying just how vivid these nightmares are. There are nights when I dream about my plane smashing into the MGM Grand, where we'll be staying. I wake up in cold sweat.
There are other times when I see myself on a pile of rubble, searching for people's remains. In these dreams I feel as if I've returned to lower Manhattan, only to realize later that I'm actually standing on what used to be the MGM Grand.
Even with these horrible unconscious images, I knew there was going to be a time where I would have to suck it up and face my fears. I've been on seven-hour-plus flights to Italy over the Atlantic, so a four-hour trip over land should be no problem. Of course I'm confident of the condition of the plane and the level of security at the airports, but there just seems to be that lingering feeling that won't go away.
When it comes down to it, this is a trip I've been looking forward to for a long time. It has been booked and canceled once before, and delayed after 9/11. I'm not sure if there will ever be a time when I am ready to hop on a plane and fly without worry.
As the day approaches, my nightmares have become longer and more regular. But I will not let them steer me away from enjoying myself and having a good time with friends. Even before my nightmares of the tragedy and its aftermath, I had dreamt about the day I would set foot in Las Vegas. That has made this all a lot easier.
Once I'm off the plane, I will be ready to have one of the best times of my life. I think the nightmares, the stress of flying, and the worrying about an incident will all be worth it -- once I'm relieved of that nearly two-year-old tension.
